What happens when Torah, growth, and mental health start pulling against each other instead of working together?

In this episode of Shtark Tank, Yaakov Wolff speaks with Dr. Dan Jacobson — psychologist, musmach, co-author of Flipping Out, and author of Light in the Darkness — about stress, anxiety, yeshiva pressure, and the long-term impact they can have on our Avodat Hashem.

To recieve a free copy of Light in the Darkness, about kedusha in today's world, email [email protected]

They discuss the difference between healthy pressure and unhealthy stress, why anxiety seems to be rising in today’s world, and how formative yeshiva experiences can shape a person’s relationship with learning for years afterward. They also talk about balancing Torah, work, and family life, navigating Pesach pressure in a healthier way, and approaching struggles in kedusha with more honesty and less shame.

This is a thoughtful and practical conversation about serving Hashem with more clarity, more balance, and more simcha.

What We Discussed

• Dr. Jacobson’s path into psychology and his interest in the intersection of Torah and mental health
• The difference between stress and anxiety
• Why some pressure is necessary, but too much can become destructive
• How yeshiva culture can sometimes create unhealthy stress around learning and growth
• The long-term effect of yeshiva experiences on a person’s relationship with Torah
• What to do if learning has become tied up with guilt or pressure
• Balancing competing values like learning, marriage, parenting, and responsibility
• How to reduce stress around Pesach prep and focus more on meaning
• OCD, halachic uncertainty, and the importance of clear guidance
• Why so many men struggle silently in areas of kedusha
• What Dr. Jacobson hoped to add with his booklet Light in the Darkness

Key Takeaways

• Stress and anxiety are not exactly the same thing. Stress is often tied to present pressure, while anxiety is more future-oriented.
• Some pressure is part of growth. The goal is not zero stress, but healthy stress in the right dose.
• Yeshiva can be deeply formative, for good and for bad. If Torah became associated with guilt or pressure, that needs to be rethought.
• A working person should try to build a relationship with learning that includes pleasure, connection, and simcha — not just obligation.
• Many struggles become worse when there is too much doubt, especially for people with OCD tendencies.
• Pesach can become overwhelming when people lose sight of what is halacha and what is chumra, habit, or family expectation.
• In struggles around kedusha, shame and secrecy often make things worse. Honest, psychologically grounded guidance helps.

Notable Lines / Ideas

• “If the prime emotion that someone has with regard to their learning is a negative emotion, that has to be checked.”
• “You want there to be simcha and pleasure and joy and connection with your learning.”
• “We build our strength and resilience by encountering and learning how to handle some difficulty.”
• “The holiday of freedom can feel enslaving if we lose sight of meaning.”
  

Chapters
00:00 Intro

05:20 Stress and Anxiety, in Yeshiva and beyond
28:12 Balancing learning, marriage, parenting, and other real responsibilities
32:15 Pesach pressure: cleaning, OCD, chumros, and staying sane
38:52 Light in the Darkness: what Dr. Jacobson wanted to add to the kedusha conversation
45:48 Rapid fire

About the Guest
Dr. Dan Jacobson is a psychologist and musmach who has spent years thinking and writing about the intersection of mental health, yeshiva life, and Avodat Hashem. He is the co-author of Flipping Out and the author of Light in the Darkness, a booklet addressing struggles in kedusha with psychological depth and Torah sensitivity.