I’m a regular frum working man living here in Lakewood with my family. For many years, I’ve been davening at home — putting on tallis and tefillin in my living room and doing Mincha and Maariv wherever I happened to be.

Recently, I was inspired to start davening with a minyan.

Because of my very erratic schedule, there is really only one place in my area that works for me — a shul that has many minyanim throughout the day and later Shacharis times.

After a few days of davening there, I noticed a large sign that said:

“Anyone davening here must come with a hat and suit. If this is too hard for you, don’t daven here.”

I felt extremely uncomfortable. I spent the entire davening waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder and ask me to leave.

I understand kavod for davening, and I truly respect that. I’m not writing this with bitterness. But since when did we start gatekeeping our minyanim?

Each time I came, I was dressed respectfully — dress pants, proper shoes, and either a dress shirt or a polo shirt. This is how I attend business meetings. I don’t own a hat. I haven’t owned one since my bar mitzvah more than twenty years ago. I generally don’t wear suits.

Outside of our specific community, a very large percentage of frum Jews do not wear a hat. Are we really limiting participation in a minyan only to those who look exactly like us?

What happens when someone comes to visit from out of town?

When I saw that sign, I felt a lot of my inspiration fade away. I am still going to try to continue davening with a minyan, but with that shul effectively off limits to me, I honestly don’t know how long that will be realistic.

I can’t claim to fully understand the ways of Shamayim, but I couldn’t help thinking what happens when the Rav of that shul comes up after 120. He may see “not doing tefillah b’tzibbur” on the scale.

“But I never missed a minyan in my life,” he might say.

“But you hung up that sign in your shul,” they may reply.

I hope this can start a thoughtful and honest conversation about how we welcome every Yid who is simply trying to be zocheh to Tefillah B’Tzibbur.

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