Too busy to tune in? Women have so much on their shoulders–but it’s precisely during those busy times that we have the greatest opportunity to connect.
Editor’s Note: Ever since we read this post by Sara Yoheved Rigler, one of us began saying, “V’Nishmartem…” each time when putting on a seatbelt (even if it’s just for a short drive).
Hashem created the world because He wanted a relationship with us. But we are so busy shopping, cooking, working, and answering emails that we don’t really have the time for Him. Hashem gave us the mitzvahs of the Torah as 613 ways to connect to Him, but we do them like chores on our to-do list—check, check, check. Hashem loves us—all the time—more than anyone ever has, but whenever our computer malfunctions or our children get into trouble or our husband is in a grouchy mood, we feel unloved and abandoned.
Pursuing or deepening our relationship with Hashem takes nothing more than mindfulness. For more than fifty years of my spiritual journey, my relationship with Hashem was intense and focused during morning davening/meditating, sporadic during the rest of the day, and non-existent when my credit card company kept me on muzak for fifteen minutes only to cut the line.
Then I discovered the teachings of Rabbi Asher Baruch Wegbreit. He taught that even drinking a glass of water could be a mitzvah of the Torah—the mitzvah to guard our health “very much”—if we only have the kavanah that it is. And mitzvahs done consciously connect us to Hashem. No extra time or energy. Just mindfulness.
Putting in a laundry? The mitzvah of chesed (a branch of the mitzvah of “loving your neighbor as yourself” according to the Rambam).
Eating a salad? The mitzvah of V’nishmartem me’od l’nafshotechem, taking very good care of your health.
Watering your plants? The mitzvah of emulating Hashem (repeated eight times in the Torah) because Hashem has compassion on all His creatures.
Driving your mother anywhere? The mitzvah of kivud av v’eim.
Making a full stop at a stop sign? The mitzvah of taking care of your body.
Listening to a friend’s woes? The mitzvah of chesed.
Not taking too much time at work for personal matters? The mitzvah of not stealing from your employer.
Waiting in line to check out at the supermarket and feeling grateful for all the items in your shopping cart? The mitzvah of remembering Hashem’s kindnesses. [Devorim 8:2]
Using the bathroom when feeling the first urge rather than waiting? The mitzvah of “not making yourself repulsive.” [Orach Chaim 3:17]
Putting on your head covering in the morning? The mitzvah of “keeping the camp holy.”
Buying bugless lettuce? The mitzvah of not eating insects.
And—most important of all for a person with a short fuse like me—not getting angry at the credit card customer service employee who finally picks up? The mitzvah of accepting tribulations with love. [Devorim 8:5]
All of these mundane actions can be mitzvahs that connect us to Hashem just by prefacing them with a short, conscious statement of intention. Rabbi Daniel Garfinkel, in his ground-breaking book Ka’asher Tziva Hashem, recommends before doing any mitzvah to say or think, “I am doing the mitzvah of _________, as Hashem commanded me.” I love his book, as do dozens of my friends. But when I turned to Chapter 14, “A Listing of Common Daily Mitzvos and their Kavanos,” which started with Tzitzis, Tefillin, and the blessings on the Torah, I knew I had to write a version for women.
Women’s spiritual path is different from men’s. Men’s most important mitzvah is to learn Torah. We women have no mitzvah to learn Torah (although when we do, we are fulfilling the mitzvahs of yiras Hashem and ahavas Hashem). The daily lives of today’s women look like this: driving carpool, picking up groceries for a parent, working in an office or school, shopping for children’s shoes, exercising at the gym, taking their husband’s suits to the drycleaner. All of these can be mitzvahs of the Torah with just the mindfulness that comes by a short statement of intention. Because women were created with the koach hachibor, the power of connecting, I tweaked the formula to: “I am doing the mitzvah of ___________ as You commanded me, Hashem, in order to bond with you.”
It takes just 8 seconds to say or think these words. None of us busy women have time, but all of us have eight seconds.
It works to fill the black hole of our God-forgetting day. Every time you say the intention sentence before doing the action, you give yourself the appropriate virtual charm on a virtual charm bracelet.
Here’s feedback I received from women who are doing it:
“I do a lot of very local driving, and pass an extreme number of stop signs every day. I am also ka”h very busy managing many, many things for my own children and children in my class. I know I shouldn’t, but I often use my time in the car to dictate text messages, emails, and make phone calls.
“But when I said, “V’nishmartem me’od to connect to You,” at 5 stop signs in under 3 minutes and then reached for my phone…yikes, that felt so wrong! I DID have to make that phone call, but I resolved that next time, I would call from the parking lot before I start driving. Thanks to you, I am now a much safer driver. And more connected to Hashem.”
***
I just double checked my salary for May and emailed the bookkeeper that it looks too high, and I said the intention sentence. Thank you so much for helping me turn this into a mitzvah!
Rav Shimshon Pincus taught: “When you think about Hashem, you are actually with Hashem.”
My days are different now. Just as busy with family, work, exercising, and emails, but now Hashem is with me, or I’m with Hashem, throughout the day. My days have gone from black & white to technicolor.