It’s not about a sadness that leads us to despair. Av is about a sadness that leads us to a deeper connection with Hashem. All we need to do is fine-tune our hearing so we can really listen to the messages He sends.

Month: Av

Mazel: Lion

Human Faculty: Hearing

Mishenichnas Av mime’atin besimchah. When Av enters, we decrease our merriment. This is the month in our calendar when we are encouraged to feel the pain of the Galus, to mourn the destruction of the Batei Mikdash and all of the repercussions of the Churban: the ensuing persecution that Klal Yisrael has endured through the ages, our aloneness in this exile, and most of all, to feel the pain of the Shechinah, who’s been bereft of her home for centuries. 

In Yiddishkeit, sadness does not equal despair. The kind of sadness we are encouraged to feel these days is not one that closes the heart, that leaves us feeling despondent, alone, or depressed. On the contrary, it is a kind of sadness that opens the heart. It is yet another means through which we reach our singular goal as Yidden: connecting more deeply to our Av Harachaman, our merciful Father, as alluded to in the name of the month.

This is the time of year when yes, we should be giving our galus existence more attention by looking at our lives and truly feeling what pains us as a result of being so distant from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, of being banished from His home. And then, instead of falling into an abyss of self-pity or despair, we want to move on to the next step, by tapping into the special koach of this month. Sefer Yetzirah teaches that the month of Av corresponds with the sense of hearing. Listening, we know, is an art. It’s not just about the sound waves bouncing off our ear drums; it’s about fine-tuning our hearing so that we derher. That’s the Yiddish word for hearing what lies underneath the actual words, for discerning the deeper message.

And so, after feeling the pain where it hurts most, whether in the minor or more major circumstances that keep reminding us that life in this world is not perfect, we want to move on to Step II. Want to tap into the spiritual propensity of this month? “Fine-tune” your hearing by listening to Hashem’s call in everything that happens in your life.

Here’s how to maximize the potential of this month:

1. Once per day this month, when you feel sad, disappointed, or frustrated, whether due to a minor or major challenge, stop and take a deep breath. Allow yourself to feel the pain/discomfort in it. Every kind of brokenness is a direct result of our status as galus Yidden. 

2. Seize this opportunity to connect more deeply to your Av Harachaman through this difficulty by fine-tuning your hearing. Ask yourself: “What is the message from my Father in this? What is my avodah right now?”

Is this hardship here to teach me to trust more, to let go more, to acknowledge more deeply that He is the One in Control? Is there an area of my avodas Hashem that can use an upgrade? Perhaps this is my chance to simply cry out to Him, to forge a deeper bond through tefillah?  

3. Bask in the closeness you feel at this moment. The greatest galus pain is the pain of aloneness, the Eichah yashvah badad. But even in galus, when we connect to the Ribono shel Olam through our hardships, we feel heard and seen, and thus less alone. The more we engage in this work of infusing our struggles with purpose—by listening to His messages as we go through our day—the more we will find that we live a more elevated, joyous life.

Recently, some of the bedrooms in our apartment were suddenly infested with an interesting fly-ant creature. As part of our hishtadlus to treat the issue, we looked into Perek Shirah to find out: What might Hashem’s message be for us through this creature? Incredibly, the morning after we made certain kabbalos as a family, there was not one of these insects to be found…

As Yidden, we speak to Hashem through tefillah, both formal and informal. And Hashem speaks to us through His Torah, and through every single detail of what happens in our life. When we choose to hone our hearing and derher our Father’s messages in everything that transpires, we merit to experience the unparalleled joy and radiance that only a life of connection affords. 

The mazel of Av is a lion, which alludes to Moshiach ben Dovid, who will be born on Tisha B’Av and is a descendant of Yehuda, whom Yaakov Avinu compared to a lion. In the merit of our avodah of finding meaning in our sadness and using it as a vehicle for deepened connection, may Tisha B’Av be a Yom Tov this year with the coming of Moshiach, and may we be zocheh to experience the ultimate connection in the Bais Hamikdash very soon. Can’t wait to meet you in the Ezras Nashim!