In response to a recent letter, a reader shared an experience he had. What are your thoughts about his “tables turned” response?

I would like to share a significant past experience. Several years ago, I approached the administration of my son’s school to request a financial adjustment due to my economic circumstances. The administrator requested a copy of my tax return, posed highly personal questions regarding my spending habits, and sought to review my credit card statements. Following his review of these documents, he expressed uncertainty regarding his ability to provide assistance. After a subsequent discussion with the board, they approved an annual reduction of $50. I articulated the necessity for a more substantial reduction. The administrator then informed me that the school was not a charitable institution and suggested I explore alternative options. Consequently, I was compelled to secure an additional mortgage on my property. My girls attended a school where i was respected and paid a basic tution. I told them if i ever make money i will iyh give them big time.

Several years later, my business achieved considerable success bh, and my children completed their education. One day, I received a phone call from the school, and I anticipated their request. Initially, I did not respond. A week later, a different, more affable administrator visited my residence. Upon opening the door, he greeted me warmly and commented on the passage of time since our last interaction. I requested that he remind me of his name, and he appeared visibly uncomfortable. He then inquired about my appreciation for my children’s school. I subtly questioned whether he recalled the necessity of my obtaining a mortgage to meet the monthly payments. He claimed no recollection of the matter, simply stating that as a parent, I should contribute to the school given the excellent education my children received. I responded that I could not contribute financially until I had thoroughly reviewed all their financial records, including credit card statements. Only then could I assess my ability to provide support, without any guarantees. He reluctantly stated that he was unsure if he could provide those records. I reiterated my inability to contribute without them.

A week later, he returned with a spreadsheet. I meticulously scrutinized the document, employing the same rigorous and probing questioning he had previously directed at me, inquiring about various expenditures with a condescending tone. Ultimately, I informed him that I would review the information and revert to him. He subsequently emailed me daily. After three weeks, I responded, stating that after a thorough review of their records, I recognized their genuine financial need and would contribute $50. He expressed his dismay, emphasizing the effort involved in operating a school. I countered that if he found the amount unsatisfactory, he was at liberty to seek contributions elsewhere, as there are many affluent individuals in the community.

I have specifically indicated my reluctance to support organizations that have previously engaged in inappropriate conduct, notwithstanding their financial prosperity. Conversely, I wish to commend Bais Faiga, the educational institution attended by my daughters, to which I consistently contribute amounts substantially exceeding $50.

This institution operates with a strong community focus and has consistently exhibited a collaborative ethos, offering support whenever necessary. Their tuition model is notably cost-effective. It is imperative to cease the practice of mistreating individuals and subsequently anticipating their cooperation, as this approach is ultimately unsustainable. School administrators are encouraged to cultivate essential interpersonal skills. The principle of reciprocity suggests that institutions fostering positive relationships with parents tend to achieve greater success in fundraising, an inherently challenging endeavor. Please understand that individuals’ sense of responsibility towards you is directly proportional to your perceived responsibility towards them. Mistreatment will inevitably result in negative repercussions.

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