By Rabbi Dr. Yaakov Abramovitz

What is the secret to making lasting resolutions?

In the first responsive line of Avinu Malkeinu, we ask Hashem to help us do “teshuvah sheleimah,” complete repentance. The addition of that descriptor, sheleimah, makes it sound like there is another type of teshuvah – one that is “incomplete” – which we do not want. And here I was thinking that one can either repent or not. What would incomplete teshuvah look like? And, by contrast, what is the teshuvah sheleimah which we all are trying to achieve? Rav Avraham Yitzchak HaKohen Kook zt”l explained this phrase by looking at the very next sentence in Avinu Malkeinu, in which we ask Hashem to deliver a “refuah sheleimah” to those who are ill. Here too, we are left with the impression that there is also an incomplete form of healing which we do not want. But in this case, the difference between the two types is more intuitive. A partial healing is one that only addresses the symptoms, leaving the underlying malady untreated. Surely, no patient would want “band-aid” medical care which does not target the root of the disease; that would be an incomplete healing. We don’t ask Hashem to help the sick seem better temporarily; we beg Him to actually cure them – completely. Similarly, Rav Kook explained, there is a partial form of teshuvah where only the external symptoms of aveiros are addressed. Perhaps a negative behavior can be suppressed or an urge stifled – but those would be mere “band-aid” solutions. The problem may appear to subside, but is sure to resurface before long, returning to our “teshuvah wishlist” year after year. This is the incomplete rehabilitation we are hoping to avoid.

Instead, we are striving for teshuvah sheleimah, the process which entails searching for the underlying causes of undesired behaviors. Re-examining our social environments, thought patterns, and emotional needs is the only way to truly deal with the mistakes and bad habits we wish to remedy. It is no easy feat; meaningful change rarely is. This is why we ask Hashem to help us.

With this discrepancy in mind, we can begin to understand why New Year’s resolutions – of both Alef Tishrei and January 1st – are notoriously unsuccessful and unsustainable. We are able to correctly identify certain actions or relationships we would like to improve, but fail to pinpoint or treat their underlying causes.

For example, it is not enough to simply commit to speaking less lashon hara. To treat the concern “completely,” one would need to analyze his or her personal triggers and vulnerabilities in this area. Questions to ask at this stage may include: With whom do I tend to gossip? Are there certain people, in particular, that I take pleasure in maligning? Is there a certain social environment or online platform which I frequent that makes it hard to resist partaking in juicy topics of conversation? Exploring honest answers to these inquiries is the true foundation of meaningful and lasting change.

So, this is the big question we need to ask ourselves during this season of growth and change: Are our resolutions for the coming year just “band-aids,” or do they completely treat the core of each issue? May Hashem help us achieve teshuvah sheleimah and earn a g’mar chasimah tovah!