By Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz

And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aharon, took the drum in her hand, and all of the women followed her with drums and dances.

Shemos 15:20 Introduction

Singing Shabbos zemiros is a special activity that many Jewish families engage in that allows them to bond through song and unite in praising Hashem.

Among different groups of religious Jews, there are divergent practices as to how the zemiros are sung when there are non-family members present. For example, the daughters of Rav Pinchas Mordechai Teitz report that their custom, based on the practice of Rav Preil (Rav Teitz’s father-in-law), was that everyone at the table, including women, would sing zemiros, whether they were related or not. This practice seemed foreign to many of the Eastern European gedolim who would eat at their table on their visits to America. In many other communities, women or daughters above a certain age refrain from singing along unless everyone at the table is an immediate relative. Is one of these practices more preferable?

Furthermore, if one who has the practice not to participate in zemiros together with women finds himself at a Shabbos table where they are singing together, what is the appropriate response?

The Source

Chazal (Berachos 24a) teach that “Kol b’ishah ervah,” a woman’s singing voice is considered to be a form of nakedness. This concept precludes one from reciting krias Shema in the presence of a singing woman (Shulchan Aruch, OC 75).

The Gemara in Sotah (48a) teaches: Rav Yosef said: When men sing and women respond, it is an expression of immodesty. When women sing and men respond, it is like fire among flax [i.e., extremely dangerous]. What is the practical implication of this? To prioritize annulling the latter (women singing and men responding) before the former (men singing and women responding).

Rashi (s.v. k’eish) explains that when the men are leading the song and the women are answering, it is problematic because the men will be listening to the women’s singing in the periphery. However, when the women are leading the song, it is worse, since the men have to pay very close attention in order to know what and when to respond.

It is clear from the Gemara that listening to a woman sing is a serious halachic problem even if it is a group of women.

Rav Tzvi Pesach Frank (Har Tzvi, EH 71) indeed concludes that there is no difference between a group of women singing and an individual woman, citing this Gemara as proof.

In Shul

The Chasam Sofer (5:190) discusses the case of a shul in which women would sing along with the men and their voices were audible in the men’s section. He rules that this is problematic, even though they are engaged in a dvar mitzvah and the men are singing along with the group of women. He adds that it will serve to ruin the men’s kavanah and cause the tefillos to be rejected.

Zemiros

The Be’er Sheva (Be’er Mayim Chayim 3) writes that singing zemiros in a co-ed environment, especially if some of the women are married, ignores the fact that this mitzvah leads to aveiros, and it is a very objectionable practice. The Tzitz Eliezer (7:28) similarly rules that a man who was offered a job to recite Kiddush for a large group of girls should not accept the offer if he will have to be in the room when the girls are singing zemiros.

The Seridei Eish

Considering the above words of such important poskim who strongly reject the practice, how is it that many great rabbanim permitted co-ed zemiros in youth groups and in their own homes?

The source for leniency in this matter generally begins with Rav Yechiel Yaakov Weinberg, the Seridei Eish, who wrote a famous teshuvah regarding a French youth group called Yeshurun, which was similar to an NCSY kiruv organization in its time. He offers three main reasons to permit the boys and the girls to sing together.

1. There is a concept of “trei kolei lo mishtamei” – two concurrent voices (or sounds) cannot be properly heard. If the entire problem of kol ishah is that one will focus on the source of the singing, kol ishah becomes less of an issue when a group is singing, as it is difficult to discern the precise voice that one is hearing. 2. When singing shirei kodesh, there is less of a concern that the singing will lead to improper thoughts or behaviors, due to the holiness of the content.

3. Perhaps the shirei kodesh themselves will cause the participants to concentrate on the meaning of the words, and it will allow them to maintain an air of seriousness and spirituality and to ignore any possible negatives that the kol ishah might cause. Rav Weinberg adds that there is an additional concept called “Eis la’asos LaHashem hefeiru Torasecha.” When there is a threat to the entire Torah, there is the possibility (under the guidance of great Torah leaders) to compromise on certain halachos with the cheshbon that doing so will lead to greater Torah observance. He points out that youth groups run by experts in kiruv and education have determined that singing is one of the most effective ways to give children and teenagers a meaningful and positive Shabbos and religious experience, and it is essential to promoting a generally positive view of Torah and mitzvos.

Rav Weingberg points out that both Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch and Rav Ezriel Hildesheimer permitted men and women to sing zemiros together at the Shabbos table. Although his background (the Lithuanian yeshivos) never would have tolerated such a practice, this was the accepted minhag in Germany and was effective for their communities.

He attempts to prove his ruling based on a pasuk in Shoftim (5:1) describing the Song of Devorah together with Barak ben Avinoam.

Opposition to the Seridei Eish

Those who criticize the Seridei Eish’s ruling point out that the concept of trei kolei lo mishtamei is specifically not relevant to the Gemara’s discussion, as noted by the Har Tzvi. The concept of not hearing two voices together relates to the focus on the individual, not a lack of effectiveness of the sound. Thus, it is possible that multiple voices might make the violation of kol ishah even worse, as the multiple voices might produce an even more pleasing sound.

Conclusion

Although the question requires much more elaboration and explanation, it is clear that there are great gedolei Torah on both sides of this issue. It seems that while in Eastern Europe this practice was unheard of, in Western Europe it was fairly common, even among very religious families. Therefore, if one finds himself at a table where the women are singing along with the men, he should not protest or give indications of his disapproval. When deciding what to do in one’s own household, it is clear that the majority of poskim, including Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv and Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, rule stringently that women should not sing zemiros or shirei kodesh together with men. As with all chinuch decisions in one’s home, a fair amount of common sense needs to be balanced with a knowledge of the halacha.