By Rabbi Gil Student

I. Guests and Leftovers

At weddings, we serve a tremendous amount of food.

Between the smorgasbord, the different courses and dessert, guests are offered more food than most can eat. Can a guest put some food in a container and take it home? Sometimes a person might want to take a cookie home for a child or some chicken for the next day’s dinner. May you take home food that was served to you to eat at the wedding?

In a recent episode of the Halacha Headlines podcast, Rav Shmuel Fuerst of Chicago said that you are allowed to take home a little food: “If he’s an invited guest, he is allowed to take home some food but he cannot empty out the place because other people have to eat there also. But to take a small amount of food, I am sure the balebayis (host) is not makpid (does not mind).”

The halachic background to this ruling is surprisingly complex because the sources seem to disagree about whether food served to a guest becomes his. There are really two separate questions. First, when does a guest acquire ownership of the food served to him? Second, even if he does not yet own it, what uses does the host implicitly permit? The Gemara (Chullin 94a) says: “Guests are not permitted to give from the food that is placed before them to the son or to the daughter of the host unless they obtain permission from the host.” This rule is codified in Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 170:19). This would seem to imply that a guest does not have the right to do whatever he wants with food served to him.

However, Rambam writes that if someone enters another person’s home, takes something that the owner does not mind him taking, such as a date or nut, and betroths a woman with it, the woman is doubtfully betrothed, i.e., it is a safek kiddushin (Mishneh Torah, Hilchos Ishus 5:8). Shulchan Aruch (Even Ha-Ezer 28:17) rules likewise, and Rema adds that if a guest sitting in someone’s house takes his portion of food and betroths a woman with it, the woman is betrothed.

Rav David Segal (Taz; 17th cen., Poland) points out the apparent contradiction between Rema’s ruling here, that the woman is betrothed, and the earlier ruling that a guest does not have the right to give food to the host’s children. If the guest fully owns the food, he should have the right to give it to anyone he wants. Why might a guest not own the food?

II. When a Guest Acquires the Food

In sixteenth-century Salonica, a guest took an apple from the table and gave it to another man as betrothal for his daughter. The question was posed to Rav Yosef of Trani (Maharit) whether this betrothal worked (Responsa Maharit, vol. 1, no. 150). Maharit asks whether a guest acquires the food when it is placed before him or only when he puts it in his mouth. Based on a number of textual proofs, he concludes that a guest acquires the food only when he places it in his mouth. However, this seems to be a debate among medieval commentators. The Gemara (Nedarim 34b) discusses a case in which you invite someone to eat your bread and then say that it is forbidden to him. Rashi explains that when you invite someone to eat the bread, it becomes his and you can no longer forbid it to him. The Ran, however, reads the Gemara differently and explains that if you give the loaf to him as a gift, you cannot subsequently forbid it, but if you merely invite him to eat it, it remains yours and you can still forbid it. Rav Yom Tov Algazi (18th cen., Jerusalem) says that this disagreement turns on the question of when a guest acquires the food. Rashi believes that a guest acquires the food when it is placed before him. The Ran believes that a guest acquires the food only when he puts it into his mouth (Responsa Simchas Yom Tov, vol. 1, no. 48). Rav Raphael Yosef Chazzan (19th cen., Israel) disagrees with Rav Algazi’s understanding of the Ran. He argues that the Ran believes that a guest acquires the food when he picks it up (Chikrei Lev, Choshen Mishpat, no. 147).

We therefore have three possible points of acquisition: when the food is placed before the guest, when the guest picks it up or when he puts it into his mouth. That difference has obvious practical consequences for food served at a wedding. According to the opinion that a guest acquires food when it is placed before him, he may take home the individual portion served on his plate. That particular rationale would not yet apply to food still sitting at a smorgasbord or buffet. According to the opinion that a guest acquires food when he lifts it, however, the moment he takes food from the smorgasbord or buffet he acquires it. But ownership is only one part of the issue. Even if the food has not yet become the guest’s property, the host may still permit him to use it in certain ways.

III. What the Host Permits

The rule about giving food to the host’s children seems to depend partly on circumstances. Rav Avraham Gombiner (Magen Avraham; 17th cen., Poland) suggests that the prohibition applies only to a limited meal where there is barely enough food for the guests. At a large meal, where there is no concern that others will be deprived, this restriction does not apply (Magen Avraham 170:23). Mishnah Berurah (170:40) rules likewise.

In contrast, Rav Pinchas Horowitz (18th cen., Germany) explains that a guest actually acquires his food and may give it to anyone he wishes. Nevertheless, as a matter of derech eretz, respectful behavior, he may not give it to his host’s children without permission (Sefer Ha-Miknah, Kuntres Acharon, Hilchos Kiddushin 28:17).

Rav Betzalel Stern (20th cen., Israel) adds another important practical point. Whatever disagreement exists about when a guest first acquires his food, everyone agrees that leftovers remaining on the guest’s own plate belong to him (Be-Tzel Ha-Chochmah, vol. 4, no. 148).

Rav Shlomo Zalman Braun (20th cen., US) explores a related issue in a 1992 Shabbos Ha-Gadol sermon. Some authorities recommend that every guest at a Passover seder formally acquire the matzah before eating it for the mitzvah of the night. Rav Braun argues that such a formal acquisition is unnecessary. Based on the sources we have seen, by the time a guest actually eats the matzah it unquestionably belongs to him. There is therefore no need for each guest to formally acquire the matzah in advance (She’arim Metzuyanim Ba-Halachah, Nedarim 34b s.v. amar leih lo).

IV. Taking Wedding Food Home

The most direct discussion of our question appears in a responsum of Rav Shmuel Wosner (21st cen., Israel). He writes that a guest may take home food that was served to him on his plate. He may not simply take other food, because the host may object to its removal. However, Rav Wosner adds that in places such as America, where leftovers are simply thrown out, there is no concern with taking home food that would otherwise be discarded (Shevet Ha-Levi, vol. 4, no. 225). In my experience in America, leftover food that was served on an individual plate is thrown out. Food from the smorgasbord, main meal and dessert that was not served is then packed up and taken home by the bride’s family. I have been blessed to have had to pack my car with those leftovers after my children’s weddings and find freezer space for it all.

Nevertheless, although we had paid for all the food, we certainly would not have minded if a guest took a small amount home. That ordinary assumption about what a host permits seems to be what Rav Fuerst had in mind when he said that an invited guest may take a little food home because “I am sure the balebayis is not makpid.”