By Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits

Hashem Is Our Friend

Hashem is like our friend who walks hand in hand with us, and He is listening to us. One who davens with the mindset that Hashem can help him but lacks the realization that he can speak to Hashem like he does to a friend is missing out on the point of tefillah. There is a way for us to reach this level of speaking with Hashem like a friend and telling Him what is on our minds.

A Close Friend

It’s hard for us to face our daily challenges alone, whether they are in the realm of ruchniyus or gashmiyus. It’s also difficult to find a real friend to whom one is able to speak about these challenges. The solution is to make Hashem our friend.

It may be hard at first since we cannot see Him. In addition, we might wonder why Hashem would want us to be His friend. However, this erroneous way of thinking will cause us to lose focus of our life’s goal. The point of living in this world is to connect with the Creator, to be His close friend. One who does not live with Hashem on a daily basis feels as if he is not alive in this world. The yetzer hara makes us think that Hashem does not wish to have anything to do with lowly people like us, but this is his way of tricking us into avoiding a connection with Hashem. One who truly lives with Hashem will not experience a greater pleasure.

Balancing Our Relationship with Hashem

A person who feels lowly will wonder why Hashem should listen to his tefillos. This causes him not to approach davening seriously. Others feel that their connection to Hashem is so strong that they wonder why they should daven if Hashem knows what is good for them and they are already so close to Him. Today, many young adults feel like those in either the first category or the second. We need a proper balance: realizing that Hashem listens to all our tefillos and that we should daven, while not thinking that we are so close to Him that we do not have to daven. The Tanna D’vei Eliyahu says that one should daven as if he is speaking to his friend. On the other hand, one should realize the greatness of being able to daven to the King of kings. If we would truly believe that our tefillos have an impact, every word we say would be filled with such meaning. If we would only realize that Hashem waits for us to daven and kisses each word that we say, we would daven the way we should.

When Moshe Rabbeinu was told not to daven anymore to enter Eretz Yisrael, he hinted to Bnei Yisrael to daven for him. If they would have davened to enter Eretz Yisrael, he also would have entered. Why did they not daven? They felt that Moshe Rabbeinu had davened so much and was not answered. Why would they, who were nowhere near the level of Moshe Rabbeinu, be able to impact the decision of Hashem?

If we think our words mean nothing, davening will not be effective. We don’t think that Klal Yisrael needs our tefillos, so we don’t daven properly. If someone would tell us that we need to travel for a few hours to save someone’s life, we would run to do it. Tefillah, then, should not be any different. We don’t believe our tefillos can have this power—and we are wrong.

Throughout davening, we refer to Hashem as “You” in the first person and then “He.” When speaking to a person of stature, we are careful to use only the third person. Our relationship with Hashem is twofold: He is our Father, and we are His servants. When we say “You,” we are children, and when we say “He,” we are servants. In addition, the Anshei Knesses Hagedolah instituted that we say “You” to make us feel like we are talking to our friend. That’s how close we should be to Hashem!

Coming on Time

In order to understand the importance of davening every day, we must have the correct outlook on coming on time to davening. If we had an important meeting, we would make every effort to come on time. Not only that, but we would be nervous and spend time making sure what we say comes out right. This shows that we have the ability, but we don’t use it when it comes to being on time for davening and thinking about what we’ll say. People make up so many excuses as to why they cannot come on time.

Another reason why people come late is because they feel uncomfortable talking to Hashem and push it off as much as they can. If a person does not consider davening central to his life, he will not take it seriously. If we daven in a way that shows we don’t really want to be there, then we are not davening. We can be sure that our children will pick up on this attitude as well.

The Gemara enumerates the benefits of one who is among the first ten to come to shul. One who comes to shul first for davening has endless reward. If one would know the reward for being first in shul, he would fight with his friend to be there first.

In this regard, the Zohar mentions the following parable: A king sent a notice to all the people in a city to come meet him on a certain day. They delayed and didn’t come—except for one person. When the king came and found one person there, he spent time with him and spoke to him, and the person became beloved to the king. When someone else came later on, the king was angry with the latecomer. The same is true when it comes to being on time to shul. When a person comes early, the Shechinah is with him and Hashem talks with him, so to speak. Obviously, this is not the case if someone comes late.

Coming late to shul is a chillul Hashem, which is an issur d’Oraisa. One who does not come on time to shul shows that davening is not for him, and serving Hashem is a burden to him. If one wishes to show his children how to daven correctly, it is very important for him to come on time to davening. Harav Herschel Shachter shlit”a says that one who comes on time to davening is already late. One must come early and put himself in the proper mindset.

Someone who generally came late to shul was approached by Harav Gamliel Rabinovitch shlit”a.

“Doesn’t it bother you that your grandchildren won’t daven at all?” Rav Gamliel asked. “What do you mean?” the man asked, startled. Rav Gamliel explained that if he comes late to shul, chances are that his children will not come earlier. Future generations will only follow this downward spiral and eventually not daven at all.

The following story further illustrates the importance of coming on time.

A certain individual owned a furniture factory. He consistently came late to Shacharis. At times, he would arrive when the tzibbur was up to Baruch She’amar, and sometimes he even came when they were up to Yishtabach. “If you’re coming anyway,” the rav said to him, “why not come earlier?”

“Either way, I come,” the man said. “What’s the difference if I come late?”

A few months passed. One day, there was a fire and the man’s entire furniture factory burned down. He lost everything. The man came to the rav.

“I know why this happened to me,” he said. “It’s because I come late to davening every day.”

“Why would you think that?” the rav asked. “The fire department came when they were called, but they came a bit late,” the man said. “I also come late to davening. I thought, What do a few minutes matter? Well, now I learned my lesson.”

Leaving Early

Unfortunately, many people leave shul before the last Kaddish is recited after Aleinu. Some even leave during Chazaras Hashatz! Hashem provides everyone with all their needs, yet they run out of shul early to get to a job and make money that Hashem provides anyway. L’havdil, people would not leave a sports event early.

Harav Chaim Kanievsky zt”l says that one who leaves davening early because he has no patience to wait a few more minutes until it is over is disgracing Hashem. He is likened to one who does not believe that the Shechinah is found in a shul during davening. How can such a person think that his tefillah will be accepted? In addition, one who leaves shul early will be thrown out of the Beis Hamikdash early as well.

How can one leave early and miss out on a Kaddish? How can one miss out on Aleinu? One of the reasons Aleinu is recited is to ingrain in ourselves the belief that Hashem is our King before we go out into the world and are among the non-Jews. When we engage in business dealings with non-Jews, we should not be drawn into their idol worship. To our great misfortune, Aleinu has become known as Tefillas Haderech.

A person who does not enjoy davening will get upset if it takes too long. This is because davening is not his main focus in life. If he truly valued davening, he would not think this way. People have so much time for other things and will answer every text or email. Yet there is no time for tefillah. If only a person would know that leaving davening early is backward; if he would daven properly, he would not have to spend so much time working.

People tend to put a time frame on tefillah. When it reaches a certain amount of time, they are done and leave, missing amens, Kaddish, and other valuable components of tefillah. The same person could be eating in a restaurant and have all the time in the world. He takes pleasure in his steak yet takes no pleasure in his davening. He would be willing to pay a lot of money for a nice honor, such as Chassan Torah or Chassan Bereishis. He would also give a lot of money to make sure he merits Gan Eden. Yet when he leaves shul early, he is missing out on a valuable amen. And he misses out so he can go to work, which is the curse of man! He is giving up eternal life for a few seconds of life in this world.

Some commentators explain that tefillah is treated like a wedding. If one receives an invitation to a wedding of a neighbor or distant relative, he may go at the end of the wedding, say mazel tov, eat something, and leave. If the wedding is of a close friend, he will stay for the first course and then leave. If his nephew is getting married, he may even stay for the second course. If his brother is the chassan, he will come for pictures and stay until after dessert. If it’s his child’s wedding, he will come early to make sure everything is in order and stay until the very end. Similarly, there are different times when one will come to shul and leave. If one does not feel a sense of closeness to Hashem when he is in shul, he will come late and leave early, whereas one who is close to Hashem will