Dear Editor and Parents with Daughters That Went to Sem (or going) :

I want to be clear from the start: I’m not here to fight the battle of seminary. I’m not stirring the pot, and I’m not blaming anyone. The reality is that all our girls go to seminary, and if a girl doesn’t go, people ask why. As a shadchan, I hear that question from mothers all the time.

My oldest daughter is starting her seminary applications now. I have several girls after that. At roughly $35,000 per year, that adds up to close to $200,000, and that’s before we even get to weddings/support.

So I have one honest question for the community: how are people actually doing it?

Please don’t tell me I should have started saving at 20. That isn’t realistic for most families, at least not at the rate of $35k a year x number of daughters. Frum life typically does not allow for that, at least not for the average family. Please don’t say grandparents either. That’s a Bracha for some, but for the vast majority of us it simply isn’t an option. Scholarships help a little, but taking $3,000 off a $35,000 bill doesn’t answer the question.

So what is the answer? Is everyone just quietly going into debt because that’s what everyone else is doing? (And if that’s the case, does it really make sense)?

I’d genuinely like to hear from parents who have been through it, and from those going through it now. What worked? What didn’t? How did you manage without drowning?

I think many of us are asking the same question in private. Maybe it’s time to ask it out loud.

Sincerely,

A Lakewood Parent

PS bewteen my wife an I we make a nice Parnasaah (form RSK I am told above average) and we do not spend out of our budget.

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