Dear Matzav Inbox,

A 13- or 14-year-old boy approaches mesivta with excitement, hope, and genuine fear. For him, this is not just another school year. It is the most consequential decision of his young life so far — the place where he hopes to grow in Torah, mature emotionally, and begin shaping the person he will become.

Yet the reality confronting many boys and families this year is deeply troubling.

A boy is required to choose a “first-choice” mesivta without knowing whether that yeshiva views him the same way. Acting responsibly, with the guidance of devoted parents, rebbeim, and a menahel who know him well, he selects the yeshiva where he is most likely to succeed — academically, socially, and spiritually. He applies to a small number of appropriate options, honestly informing the others that they are not his first choice.

And then the system collapses around him.

He is not offered a first-round farher at his top choice. By design, he is also excluded from consideration at his second, third, and fourth choices. Within days, he is no longer choosing between yeshivos. He is scrambling for anything available — sometimes ending up at a 25th or 30th option, a place wholly unsuited to his abilities, temperament, or needs.

In an instant, a hopeful trajectory is altered. A boy who entered the process with enthusiasm is left confused and demoralized. Parents are forced to explain to their child why sincerity, honesty, and following guidance led not to placement, but to exclusion. The question hangs painfully in the air: who created a system in which a child bears all the risk, while having almost no agency?

How did we arrive at a process so lopsided that it overwhelmingly favors mosdos while effectively silencing the interests of the boys themselves?

Yes, last year’s chaos was real. Yes, corrective measures were necessary. But is the answer truly to swing the pendulum so far that fear of disorder justifies outcomes that are devastating to children and families? Can it really be acceptable that, in the name of avoiding past mistakes, we knowingly consign boys to environments that are inappropriate for them — academically, socially, or culturally?

This is not theoretical. The pain is real. The fallout is real. And the long-term consequences are real.

If our goal is to build bnei Torah, then a system that extinguishes hope at the very entry point of a boy’s mesivta years demands serious reexamination. We owe our children better than a process that treats their futures as collateral damage.

Respectfully,
Chaim Shimon Charlap

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