By Rabbi Yair Hoffman

It is the crisis that keeps mechanchim and parents awake at night. Every year, precious neshamos slip away from Yiddishkeit, leaving behind heartbroken families and bewildered teachers who wonder what went wrong. We attend the conferences, we read the articles, we daven. But perhaps we have been overlooking a deceptively simple truth that one of the Gedolei HaDor articulated with breathtaking clarity.  Look closely at the picture above.  Now look again.

Every Jewish child in the picture is made of solid gold — and the moment we treat itheir neshama as anything less, we begin to lose that child.

That teaching, and dozens of related ones, appear in a remarkable sefer called Tzaddik K’Tamar Yifrach, compiled by Rabbi Gedaliah ben Meir Yechiel HaLevi Honigsberg. The first chapter alone is a virtual roadmap for anyone who wants to understand how to educate Jewish children in a way that keeps them connected, inspired, and on the derech.

Gold, Not Silver: The Foundation of Successful Chinuch

The Gemara in Bava Kamma (62a) discusses a case in which someone gave a woman a dinar, telling her it was silver, when in reality it was gold. If the woman damaged the coin through negligence, she must pay back the value of a gold dinar — even though she believed it was silver — because gold is worth far more. However, if she merely failed to guard it properly and the coin was then stolen, she is not obligated to pay for the gold, since she can argue: “I accepted responsibility for guarding silver, not gold.”

The Gri“z of Brisk,  drew a powerful educational parallel from this Gemara. A person does not realize it, Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman explained in his name, but when he is with children, he thinks it is like guarding silver. In truth, however, it is not silver at all — it is gold. And automatically, he is obligated to guard it like gold.

“Every neshama of a Jewish child is gold!” Rav Shteinman declared. “And much more than gold … It is impossible to estimate. A person cannot behave as though he is guarding ordinary things, lesser things. There could be an excuse that he did not know the object was worth a hundred thousand shekel but thought it was only a thousand shekel. But in educating students, one must tell him that it is gold — the neshamos of all of Klal Yisrael!”

Rav Shteinman emphasized that every deviation from this standard — even one that seems only one percent off — is unacceptable, because the mechanech must know that he is dealing with gold. This single awareness, Rav Shteinman suggested, is the key to everything else. When a rebbi walks into a classroom knowing that he holds gold in his hands, he teaches differently, he speaks differently, and he disciplines differently.

Love Between Rav and Talmid: A Force the World Envies

Rav Shteinman once related that he heard from the Chazon Ish that the Chofetz Chaim would actually conceal the greatness of his love for his talmidim from the outside world, fearing that ba’alei batim who were hostile to him might take revenge on his students if they knew how deeply he cared. The Chazon Ish told Rav Shteinman this story specifically to convey how great the love between a rav and his talmidim must be — so great, in fact, that the Chofetz Chaim felt he needed to hide it in order to protect them. It was also, Rav Shteinman noted, a subtle criticism of anyone who fails to show enough love to his talmidim.

Worth Gold: How a Mechanech Should Speak

If children are gold, then how should one speak to them? Rav Shteinman’s answer was direct: “Every person should think this way when he is learning with students — that this is gold. And in any case, one should not rush to yell at the student; rather, everything should be done with calm spirit, in clear and pleasant language, and then the student will accept it and be able to grow. Otherwise, the student will not accept it.”

“We are working with neshamos,” Rav Shteinman continued. “This is not just any occupation. And sometimes, if something improper is done, the student goes out to tarbos ra’ah. Through the daily actions of the rebbi shaming the student, the student will go out to tarbos ra’ah. The neshama of a Yid is not a simple thing … And this is the essential point: to know at all times that one is learning with the neshamos of Klal Yisrael.”

Here we encounter the direct link between chinuch and keeping children on the derech. Rav Shteinman was not speaking in abstractions. He was saying that every time a rebbi shames a child, yells at a child, or treats a child as something less than gold, the rebbi is actively pushing that child toward leaving Yiddishkeit. The daily actions of a mechanech — not a single dramatic event, but the routine, day-in-day-out way he treats his students — can determine whether a child stays frum or goes off.

Treat Them Like Your Own Children

Rav Shteinman articulated a principle that caused “great amazement and wonder” at a major conference for mechanchim in America. The principle: “The correct perspective that a person involved in chinuch must have when doubts arise regarding a student is — what would he do if this were his own son? Would he also then think he should be expelled?”

At the conference, they had been debating when it is appropriate to expel a student and what the proper procedure is. Rav Shteinman told them simply: “One must conduct oneself with students the way one conducts oneself with one’s own son. Just as he would act in such a situation with his own son, so should he act with his talmid.”

Rav Shteinman noted that this idea is alluded to in the Gemara in Kesubos (23a), where the expression is used: “Had these been your daughters, what would you have done?” From this Gemara, Rav Shteinman derived that a mechanech who is considering expelling a student must ask himself: Would he have acted this way with his own son?

The implications are profound. How many talmidim have been expelled from yeshivos and gone off the derech? Would those same mechanchim have expelled their own sons? The question alone should give every mechanech pause.

The Smallest Can Become the Greatest

Rav Shteinman taught a powerful lesson about never giving up on a student. He pointed out that among the eighty talmidim of Hillel HaZakein, the greatest was Yonasan ben Uziel and the smallest was Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai (Sukkah 28a). And yet, through whom was the Torah transmitted to future generations? Specifically through Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai — the “smallest” of the talmidim.

Rav Shteinman added a remarkable insight: Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai did not despair. He did not say to himself, “Since I am the smallest among the talmidim, I have no chance to become great.” Rather, he did his avodah without looking at his surroundings or comparing himself to others, and through this he rose to become the one who transmitted the Torah to the next generation.

The Yerushalmi in Nedarim (Chapter 5) adds a stunning detail. When Hillel fell ill and all his talmidim came to visit, there was no room for Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai, who remained alone in the courtyard. Hillel asked: “Where is the smallest among you, who is a father of wisdom and a father for generations?” They told him he was in the courtyard, and Hillel instructed them to let him in and to appoint him, declaring him the one who would lead the generation.

The lesson for mechanchim is unmistakable.

The quiet bachur sitting in the back of the classroom, the one who seems to be struggling, the one who appears to be “the smallest” — he may very well be the one who will transmit the Torah to the next generation. No mechanech has the right to write off any talmid.

The Netziv: Diligence Over Talent

To drive this point home further, Rav Shteinman brought the example of the Netziv of Volozhin, zt“l. Despite not having exceptional natural talents among his peers, the Netziv merited becoming one of the greatest transmitters of Torah in his era, serving as Rosh Yeshiva of the Volozhin Yeshiva for approximately 50 of its 90 years of existence — all thanks to his extraordinary hasmadah.

When asked how this was possible, given the Netziv’s own account that as a child he was unremarkable in learning and his parents considered making him a sandal-maker, Rav Shteinman answered: “On the contrary, that is exactly the point. The essence of ‘shteigen’ is not achieved through natural talent, but through the power of hasmadah.” Rav Shteinman explained that R’ Itzele Volozhiner was wise and far-sighted: he examined the young child and saw that he possessed a tremendous power of diligence, and therefore took him as a son-in-law at the age of twelve. The public did not recognize the Netziv’s greatness in his early years, and even the Rav’s family did not realize it. Only R’ Itzele understood that through the power of diligence alone, this young man would rise to become one of the Gedolei HaDor.

The message for mechanchim is clear: never evaluate a child solely by his apparent talent. The child with hasmadah, the child who works hard and does not give up, may surpass everyone around him. A mechanech who dismisses such a child because he doesn’t seem “bright enough” may be dismissing a future Gadol B’Yisrael.

Every Individual Matters: The Story of Rav Shlomo Kluger

Rav Shteinman illustrated the incalculable value of every individual with a dramatic story. He spoke at the organization Chaim Shel Torah, which arranges for avreichim to learn with bachurim, and urged them to see how important every single person is. “One cannot know what can come from a single individual,” he said.

He then told the story of an orphaned child whose only livelihood came from accompanying a blind man. They would go together collecting money and sustenance. Eventually the blind man died. The Maggid of Dubno took the orphan into his home and raised him. And from that orphan came forth the Gaon Rav Shlomo Kluger, zt“l — one of the most prolific poskim in Jewish history. Had the Maggid of Dubno not invested in that one child, Klal Yisrael would have lost one of its greatest luminaries.

A Poor Teacher Has More Success

In a brief but striking remark, the Chazon Ish told Rav Shteinman that a melamed who lives in poverty has more success in teaching. The reasoning traces back to the Mishnah in Avos: “Such is the way of Torah — upon the ground you shall sleep” — meaning to live in deprivation and hardship for the sake of Torah. They noted that the Ketzos HaChoshen, because he was poor, had great siyata d’Shmaya, and they pointed to the Vilna Gaon, who lived in poverty, and Hillel the Elder, who was famously poor. There is something about a mechanech who has sacrificed material comfort for Torah that resonates deeply with his talmidim.

Rebbi Preida’s 400 Repetitions: A Deeper Understanding

The Gemara in Eruvin (54b) relates that Rebbi Preida would teach his student four hundred times. The common understanding is that the student was slow-witted. Rav Shteinman offered a different explanation. He noted that the student was actually being taught deep material — not elementary content that would require four hundred repetitions due to a lack of intelligence. Rather, Rebbi Preida was teaching profound concepts, and the student needed extensive review to master them.

Rav Shteinman drew a general principle from this: “In general, all children want to learn. If there is a child who does not learn, it is because the rebbi yells at him until the rebbi removes from him the desire for learning. And if the rebbi hits him, then the child does not want to come to the cheider at all.”

This is perhaps the most direct statement in the entire chapter about why children go off the derech. It is not because they lack the desire to learn. It is not because they are inherently rebellious. It is because a rebbi’s behavior — yelling, hitting, shaming — extinguishes the natural desire that every Jewish child has for Torah. The rebbi who yells is not merely failing to educate; he is actively destroying a child’s connection to Hashem.

Rav Shteinman also cited the Gemara in Bava Metzia that Rebbi Chiya himself would teach children, and noted that the Pri Megadim was a melamed of children in Galicia, in the town of Komarno, and his father-in-law was a melamed of small children — and great talmidim came forth from them. Teaching children is not beneath anyone.

Discipline: Create It with Love, Not with a Stick

When the topic of creating discipline came up, Rav Shteinman’s answer was characteristically concise and revolutionary: “Today — not with a stick, but rather by loving the children.”

This does not mean there is no discipline at all. Rav Shteinman offered several practical alternatives. Today, he noted, a melamed cannot hit a student — if he does, it will be reported to the authorities, the child will always be believed, and the teacher may be imprisoned. Instead, a student can be given a punishment of writing a page of Gemara three or four times. Alternatively, the Gaon Rav Shimon Grossbard, zt“l, the mashgiach of the Ponevezh yeshiva ketana, once gave a bachur a creative punishment: to learn a section of the Gra’s commentary on Even HaEzer. The bachur would then come to ask the pshat in the Gra’s words — and this, Rav Shteinman noted, is truly a good punishment, because the student ends up learning Torah as a result.

Don’t Throw Out a Struggling Student

In Iyar 5775, a Rosh Yeshiva asked Rav Shteinman what to do about a bachur who had been found engaging in improper behavior. Should they expel him? Rav Shteinman’s answer was unequivocal: “If you throw him out, he will just wander around, and it will be even worse.”

This is consistent with Rav Shteinman’s overarching approach: the yeshiva is a place of safety and growth. Expelling a struggling bachur does not solve the problem; it abandons the child to an environment where he has even less chance of finding his way back. The mechanech’s job is not to curate a perfect student body, but to educate every child that Hashem sends his way.

How to Respond to a Child Who Steals

On the topic of children who steal, someone in Rav Shteinman’s presence suggested publicly shaming the child. Rav Shteinman disagreed sharply, noting that we do not find a punishment of public shame for any aveirah, except for the Sotah. Shaming a child for stealing is not a Torah approach to chinuch.

Rav Shteinman then shared practical advice. A father came to him about a child who was stealing frequently. Rav Shteinman advised: every time the child steals, the father should take him by the hand and compel him to return the stolen item to its owner personally. They followed this advice, and after just three times, the child could no longer even bring himself to approach an object that did not belong to him.

“And one should know,” Rav Shteinman added, “that all of this is in this world, but in the World to Come, it is a terrible shame!”

Rav Shteinman also reassured parents and mechanchim: stealing among children is a common phenomenon, but it is not necessarily permanent. As a person matures, Rav Shteinman said, he generally works on himself, and the tendency to steal fades away. Even when they told Rav Shteinman about someone who stole in his youth and is now a rav, Rav Shteinman acknowledged it is possible he did genuine teshuvah — though he noted it is not simple, because such tendencies are deeply embedded in human nature.

Children Come First

A telling anecdote reveals Rav Shteinman’s priorities. During one of his travels, time constraints forced a choice: should he hold a conference for rabbanim, a conference for mechanchim, or a conference for children? Rav Shteinman decided that it was preferable to hold a conference for children, “so that something would remain with them.” The children came first — not the adults, not the professionals, but the neshamos themselves.

The Remaining Neshamos: Our Sacred Responsibility

Rav Shteinman placed the current state of chinuch in stark historical perspective. “In earlier generations,” he observed, “virtually all of the Jewish people were yirei Shamayim. Unfortunately, in our times we have remained a small portion. The chareidi chinuch, even though baruch Hashem it is improving, nevertheless has an element that is not entirely good — and those may be very many. Then what remains for us are these individual neshamos, and they are neshamos of ‘kedushah,’ and one must truly treat them as one treats something that is holy.”

The fewer frum Jews there are proportionally, the more precious each neshama becomes. We cannot afford to lose even one. Every child who goes off the derech represents an incalculable loss — not just to his family, but to Klal Yisrael.

Conclusion: The Roadmap Is Before Us

The teachings recorded in Tzaddik K’Tamar Yifrach form a coherent and comprehensive vision for chinuch that keeps children on the derech. The principles are clear: Recognize that every child’s neshama is gold. Love your talmidim with a love so deep that even outsiders can see it and envy it. Never yell — speak with calm spirit, in clear and pleasant language. Treat every talmid the way you would treat your own son. Never give up on the “smallest” student, because he may be the one who leads the generation. Value hasmadah over talent. Discipline with wisdom and love, not with humiliation. Do not expel a struggling student — he will only deteriorate further. And above all, remember at every moment that you are working with neshamos of kedushah, and act accordingly.

These are not innovative theories from a secular education journal. These are the words of a Gadol B’Yisrael zt”l, rooted in Chazal and in the mesorah. The solution to the “off the derech” crisis is not complicated. It is demanding, it requires constant self-awareness, and it calls for a level of love that most people reserve only for their own children. But it is not complicated. It has been articulated for us clearly. All that remains is for us to listen, internalize, and act.

The author can be reached at [email protected]