Sometimes we can explore an issue without having clear-cut answers or solutions. That is what we are about to do now.

Summer is here, and with it has come a fair amount of anxiety—an anxiety that seems to be especially acute during the days or weeks that are considered “no man’s land”: the weeks when school is over but camp hasn’t yet started.

The most common refrains are comments like, “Oy! What am I going to do with my kids?” “How am I going to keep them entertained?” or, “All I am going to hear all day is, ‘Mommy! I am bored!’”

Another common refrain is, “When the kids are home, all they want to do is shop, shop, shop, because they need _________ (fill in the blank yourself) for camp.”

This time of year has become an overwhelming ordeal for many parents as they try to juggle keeping their children happy and entertained, filling their children’s needs and/or wants, regular housework, and, for those who actually work during the summer, work!

Yes, there are solutions, such as the “in-between” camps established by some entrepreneurial young men and women. The in-between camps are just that—camps to occupy children between school and camp.

For very young families, the in-between camps might be a lifesaver, but they also come with a price tag, just one more extra expense that harried parents must somehow come up with.

Now, I get it. I really do, especially for families where the father is learning or working and the mother is also working straight through the summer.

A Sign of the Times?

And yet, I wonder: Is it also a sign of the times? Is it possible that we have reached a point where it is almost assur to just let kids be and have an unstructured week or two? (Obviously, I am talking about kids who are old enough to take care of themselves.)

The question is why. Why are parents so anxious about their kids being home for a few days, or even a week or two, without structure? And why are kids so “bored”?

I don’t know the answer, but I do know that it wasn’t always like this. I recently had a discussion with some people of my generation, and we were reminiscing about what we did during the summer when we had eight to ten weeks off from school.

Pastimes from the Past

Yes, some went to camp, although most went for only one month. Many (particularly those who lived in Brooklyn) also went to bungalow colonies, but many others just did “nothing.”

Yes, I mean it. They played in the streets with other kids from the neighborhood who were home “doing nothing.” Parents would occasionally take the kids on an outing or to a park, but there were weeks when children more or less took it easy and entertained themselves.

For some children whose parents were teachers and also had the summer off, perhaps they worked on joint family projects. All those repairs, paint jobs, furniture-building projects, and organizing pictures into albums that no one had time to tackle during the school year got done as a family effort during the summer.

That has changed drastically.

In today’s world, very few children are left to entertain themselves, very few children are roped into projects, and very few children are happy to have unstructured time.

The Shift…

Now, there could be a number of reasons for this phenomenon.

First, the world is a scarier and more dangerous place, and unstructured time can often lead kids to places and things that are not good for them, both spiritually and materially.

Second, today’s kids need more structure. They are accustomed to highly structured environments, much more so than children of past generations.

The school day is long, and nearly every pocket of unstructured time has been tranasformed by one program or another. There are Avos Ubonim programs for the long Motzoei Shabbosos, Chol Hamoed learning programs for Chol Hamoed, and all types of side programs and incentives to keep kids occupied.

There was even a junior Adirei HaTorah program during the Adirei HaTorah event to keep the boys occupied with learning and watching the event so that their mothers wouldn’t be stuck trying to entertain them for the entire afternoon and evening.

I can bear witness to this simply by observing the way my own older children dealt with free time compared to my much younger children.

Two decades ago, when I was raising my older children, they were much better able to cope with “being bored” and with a lack of structure than those growing up today. Whether they threw themselves into baking honey cookies for Rosh Hashanah during the summer and hamantashen for Purim during midwinter vacation, whether they simply relished a good book, or whether they got together with friends to go biking or play games, they managed.

…And Its Possible Reasons

That is simply the reality. Again, the reason remains somewhat unclear.

In truth, today’s kids need more structure and more stimulation. They become “bored” much more easily from simply hanging out with friends on the block. They crave much more action. Perhaps it is because the nature of life today is constant action. Everything is a “breakout” and a “matzav.” As a result, simply sitting around playing, shmoozing, or doing nothing makes kids nervous and antsy.

There is another reason why parents become so anxious when their kids do not have structure.

Sadly, we live in a society where most mothers, in addition to undertaking the klalah of Chava—the pain, trials, and tribulations of bearing children, along with the tzaar gidul bonim—are also taking upon themselves the klalah of Adam, “bezeias apecha tochal lechem.”

When fathers are away either in yeshiva or at work and mothers also have to work, they are simply not able to let their children roam around without some kind of general supervision. Thus, these weeks, when there is no official structure or person to take responsibility for their children, leave parents—and especially mothers—feeling overwhelmed.

That being said, there is something wholesome and healthy about giving a boy or girl some time just to be—not to have to run, not to have to accomplish something, not to have to reach a goal, but simply to be.

Yes, I know that this may sound almost like kefirah, but many children could benefit from a slower pace for a few days each year. Many children might actually discover new skills and new ways to occupy themselves that could stand them in good stead later in life.

It might not be such a bad idea for kids to learn how to figure things out even when they are soooo bored.

They might even enter the new school year with renewed vigor and return to the structured environment of school with genuine simcha.

Are We Healthier?

Putting everything else aside, I am worried that there is another component to this that is somewhat troubling.

It does seem that some parents are actually scared of spending time with their kids. They simply don’t know what to do when left with their children for long periods of unstructured time.

On the other hand, there are mothers who, for economic reasons or otherwise, create something called “Camp Mommy,” where they become their child’s counselor, head counselor, cook, and camp director all in one. They put together a basic schedule of davening, learning, outings, and playing, and the mother runs the camp.

To do this, a mother must first of all be home and not working. Second, she needs to have the personality to become a counselor, head counselor, and everything else on the list. That said, the mothers who have actually managed to implement such a camp usually come out of the summer exhilarated by having truly connected with their children in ways they simply are never otherwise able to.

The bottom line is that, for better or for worse, both children and parents are less equipped today to deal with even a small empty gap in their schedules to the extent that both become anxious and a bit discombobulated by the lack of structure, even for relatively short periods of time.

It wasn’t always this way, and something tells me that we aren’t necessarily healthier as a result.