Bein hazemanim is here, but have you ever stopped to think: What exactly is bein hazemanim? Is it time off from learning? Is it time off from Hashem? After all, everyone needs a break, no?

The Chovos Halevavos writes in Shaar Avodas Elokim that there is nothing “pareve” in Yiddishkeit. Whatever a person does, every action performed by a Yid, must be done because it is a mitzvah. It is the way he is serving Hashem. If not, it is an aveirah, because through that act, he is not serving Hashem. There is no such thing as something existing in no-man’s-land, as something that is neither a mitzvah nor an aveirah.

Certainly, there is no yeshiva during bein hazemanim, and the learning schedule is not the same. The real question, however, is whether there is an avodah of bein hazemanim. What is the mitzvah of bein hazemanim?

I have written about this in the past, but it is so important that I will write about it again. If it is at all possible, it is critical that bein hazemanim be family bonding time.

The Family Time Imperative

Boruch Hashem, our community consists of many large, busy families with parents, children, boys and girls of multiple ages.

During the year, life is so busy that although families are raised in the same home, for better or for worse, many of them do not interact all that much with one another. This is especially true as families grow older and bochurim go off to learn in yeshiva and high school. Even upper elementary school girls have very busy schedules and active social lives.

Often, there is very little time for families to truly bond. (This is not the subject of today’s article, but I wonder if some of the shalom bayis difficulties faced by so many young couples stem from the fact that young people did not have enough opportunity to live together as a family, do things together as a family, and understand how boys, girls, mothers, and fathers interact with one another in a healthy way.)

Bein hazemanim is the ideal time for bonding. Now, I know that most boys and bochurim—or at least many of them—go to camp, and so do girls. Therefore, bein hazemanim is often swallowed up by camp, and just as there is little time for family bonding during the year, the same is true over the course of the summer.

That said, those who are able to spend a week or two together as a family—whether by going away or simply enjoying day trips and activities together—will reap tremendous to’eles. It can be a great deal of fun and, at the same time, extraordinarily healthy on an emotional level.

If there is a way to create family time even for those who are in camp, it is so important. Families should find the time, or perhaps create the time, even if it is only a day or two before camp begins or a day or two after it ends, to take a trip together, go on an outing, play games, or simply spend time together.

Bein Hazemanim for All, Even Masmidim

Bein hazemanim is also for masmidim. Two summers ago, Lakewood and Klal Yisroel lost a budding gadol with the sudden, tragic passing of Rav Boruch Ber Ziemba, a prominent rosh chaburah at Bais Medrash Govoah who also served as the rosh kollel of the Ocean Pointe night kollel and rov of the Ocean Pointe Nusach Sefard kehillah. He was not even forty years old when he passed away, yet he left behind the richest of legacies.

Rav Boruch Ber was a tremendous masmid who rarely, if ever, missed a seder. Yes, he learned full sedorim, but that was not all. He lived and breathed Torah. His greatest chiyus was in learning. He loved to toil and horuveh over a sugya until it was crystal clear. When he learned, he was like a child in a candy store. He was truly a future gadol who had such a bright future ahead of him.

One would think that someone like that would have had no need for bein hazemanim and would have preferred simply to stay home learning. But nothing could have been further from the truth.

Why? Because Reb Boruch Ber understood that just as there is a distinct avodah during the zeman, there is also a distinct avodah of bein hazemanim.

Reb Boruch Ber felt that bein hazemanim was an essential opportunity to connect with his family, to do together the things they could not do during the year, and to create lifelong memories of family bonding and the joy of simply enjoying one another’s company.

He made it his business to pack in as much family time as possible. He did not need spectacular or “shock and awe” trips to create memories. He created memories by singing together in the car and challenging the family to compose a song that captured the “theme” of their trip. He managed to make a matzav out of something as simple as breakfast in a hotel, creating warm feelings and unforgettable memories.

The Ziemba bein hazemanim family trip, even if it lasted only a few days, was sacrosanct. It was never something he was willing to forgo.

Reb Boruch Ber liked to travel during bein hazemanim to places where they would not run into the “whole world.” He sought out off-the-beaten-path locations with a nearby Young Israel shul so that he could daven tefillah b’tzibbur. He looked for quiet hotels in out-of-the-way places where the pool would be empty and his family could enjoy it.

The food was an entire production as well. During bein hazemanim, it was Reb Boruch Ber who did most of the cooking. He would prepare breakfast sandwiches, buying all kinds of rolls and filling them with whatever his children wanted. He made eggs and pancakes right in the hotel. It became a whole production that his children still remember.

Of course, supper meant barbecues prepared with love, as he carefully cooked each child’s favorite foods. During those trips, it was obvious that he viewed his role as bonding with his children through spending time with them and giving them wholesome, happy experiences.

The Avodah of Bein Hazemanim

In many ways, the frum family is under assault. We need to strengthen it. We need to strengthen the natural bond between parents and children and among siblings. It is not necessarily a maalah for each person to do his own thing during bein hazemanim.

I remember when my son once came home and excitedly described a bein hazemanim program he had heard about. He was captivated as he explained the details. The bochurim come together in the morning and have their own minyan, davening together in the ezras noshim of a shul. After davening, the program provides a nice breakfast, followed by morning seder. After morning seder, lunch is served, and the boys eat together. Following lunch, there is a break of a few hours. Then, in the mid-to-late afternoon, they return to the shul, daven Mincha, have a two-hour seder, enjoy a fleishige supper together, learn halacha for an hour, and daven Maariv.

My son thought that it was an amazing program for a bochur who was holding by that level, and he almost seemed envious, as though he would like to join.

He noticed, however, that I did not share his enthusiasm. When he asked me, with temimus, why I was not so excited, I explained, “This program isn’t a bein hazemanim program. It’s a middle-of-the-zeman program! The avodah of the zeman is to be fully immersed in yeshiva, to learn as much as one can, to eat in yeshiva, and to have a day centered around the yeshiva, around the sedorim, and around one’s chaveirim.

“The avodah of bein hazemanim,” I continued, “is not to be part of a yeshiva, but to be part of your family. Full stop. Certainly, serious limud haTorah must be part of the schedule. But within that framework, bein hazemanim should be a different type of avodah than the year-round avodah.”

Think about it.