Marriage. Israel. Both are romantically linked to effortless spirituality. But nothing is achieved, let alone assured, without human effort. The Avner Institute presents the Rebbe’s stern advice to families on finding suitable spouses for their children or planning an “amazing” trip to the Jewish homeland—all of which require focus, diligence, and wisdom.

In loving memory of Hadassah Lebovic A”h

“Special duty of the father”

By the Grace of G-d
4 Sivan 5713
Brooklyn 13, NY

Sholom u’Brocho:

I received your letter of 19th of Iyar and was pleased to read in it that you and your family are well.

With regard to a shidduch [match] for your daughter, in which case you are referring to a letter of mine in which I quoted a saying of our Sages to the effect that “It is the way of the man to seek a wife,” and you wonder if you can deduce from it that nothing should be done for a daughter’s shidduch.

Such an assumption would be wrong, for the implication of the above saying is to include the daughter herself (the would-be bride) but not her parents, and certainly not her father. On the contrary, the Talmud often speaks about the special duty of the father to seek a suitable match for his daughter. Therefore, you should certainly do what you can in this matter, and usually one gets the cooperation of a friend (professional shadchan [matchmaker] or not) to make suitable suggestions, which you should then carefully consider yourself, not relying entirely on somebody else’s opinion.

You refer in your letter to a suggestion with regard to a shidduch for your daughter. From the distance, it is difficult for me to express an opinion. I suggest that you consult your good friends, who may either know him, or, at any rate, learn to know him. Your preference for someone who is more active in the klal [community] need not be an obstacle in the case of a shidduch, especially, as this quality can be acquired under proper guidance. Needless to say, it is important to know your daughter’s opinion and to what extent a particular suggestion appeals to her heart.

As for the question of lack of money, there can be no doubt that this is no reason to handicap you, for when the time will come to do something about it, the Al-mighty will surely show a way how to take care of it. If it be necessary to incur debt, many a Jew would be happy to be in a similar position for the sake of a good shidduch for one’s daughter. When proper efforts are made to find a suitable shidduch, the Al-mighty will also show the proper signs as to the suitability.

With regard to your daughter and her husband and family, concerning whom you write about financial difficulties of the school and the arrears due to him, I think he should not give up the position, inasmuch as spiritually he is satisfied, and financially there are also prospects for improvement.

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“Palace of the King of kings”

By the Grace of G-d
19 Sivan 5713
Brooklyn 13, NY

This is to acknowledge your letter of May 13, enclosing contribution for the Yeshiva, for which receipt is enclosed herewith.

I am surprised that you do not mention anything about your affairs, material and spiritual, especially those which were the subject of our conversation during your visit. I trust everything is satisfactory, both materially and spiritually, which are inseparable in Jewish life, and that you will make good the omission next time.

With regard to your desire to visit Israel, it is surely unnecessary to enlarge upon the fact, which is also recognized by all the peoples of the world, that the Land of Israel is the Holy Land. This does not mean that it is so by virtue of the sanctuaries which stood there in the past, and are now in ruins, but it is holy today as well, holy because G-d made it so, and as we are told in Chumash [Pentateuch]: “It is the land upon which G-d’s eyes rest from the beginning of the year to the end of the year.”

A visit to this Holy Land, where G-d’s presence is felt more than elsewhere, requires more preparation. It is like visiting a royal palace, where one’s appearance and expression of loyalty must be quite on a different plane, whatever one’s conduct was outside. The Holy Land is the palace of the King of kings, and a personal visit there requires appropriate preparation.

I hope you will not take offense at these remarks. I certainly wish you well, and I know that every Jew, including you and your family, can accomplish much preparation as a visit to the Holy Land indicates, and which is essential regardless.

With blessing,

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