Every year before Purim, the same quiet anxiety begins.
What are we making?
What theme are we doing?
How much are we spending?
Who are we giving to?
What used to be a beautiful, simple mitzvah has slowly turned into something else — a production.
Shalach Manos was never intended to be a financial showcase. It wasn’t meant to create pressure for families who are already stretched thin.
And yet, that’s exactly what it has become in many communities, especially the community I am part of – Lakewood.
Between themes, custom logos, matching packaging, professional labels, etc. These are at LEAST $30–$40 per shalach manos — sometimes more. Multiply that by 40, 50, even 60 people and that’s real money!
Even in families that appear “comfortable,” the math simply doesn’t work. With multiple children, tuition, seminary, weddings, cars, insurance, mortgages, groceries, and daily life — there isn’t endless “extra money” spending sitting around waiting for Purim. And remember, Pesach is right around the corner.
This isn’t about criticizing anyone. Many families genuinely enjoy the creativity. There’s nothing wrong with beauty. There’s nothing wrong with effort.
But somewhere along the way, the expectation quietly shifted.
And expectations create pressure.
Not everyone can — or should — be spending thousands of dollars on Shalach Manos. And many people who are spending it can’t actually afford to.
We don’t talk about that part.
What if we collectively decided to tone it down?
What if under $20 was normal again?
What if thoughtful mattered more than themed?
What if our kids learned that the mitzvah is about connection — not competition?
Interestingly, I just came across a contest encouraging exactly that — a Purim challenge rewarding the most creative Shalach Manos under $10. It felt refreshing to see something promoting restraint instead of escalation.
Because that’s what many families quietly need right now: permission to step back.
Purim is about simcha. Unity. Giving. Gratitude.
Not financial strain.
Maybe this year, the bravest thing we can do isn’t outdo each other.
Maybe it’s to reset the culture.
Hope this changes things,
Shulamis.
Lakewood, NJ
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