There’s a conversation that needs to be had, not out of complaint, but out of honesty.

We are a frum family of five, bringing in about $225,000 a year before taxes and deductions. On paper, that sounds like we should be comfortable. But in reality, we’re constantly trying to keep up, not with luxuries or status, just with the basics of living a Jewish life.

And that’s the part people don’t always see.

The Cost of a Jewish Life

Living a frum life is beautiful. It’s meaningful. It’s something we wouldn’t trade for anything.

But it’s also expensive, not because of extras, but because of what’s required.

Tuition alone can feel overwhelming. With multiple children in yeshiva, the numbers add up quickly. This isn’t optional. It’s the foundation of how we raise our children.

Kosher food isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity, and the higher cost is felt every single week.

Shabbos and Yom Tov are central to our lives, but between food, preparation, clothing, and hosting, the expenses are constant.

And then there’s housing. Simply living in a frum community, near shuls, schools, and everything our lives revolve around, comes at a premium.

These aren’t luxuries. They’re basics.

Before You Even Begin

What often gets overlooked is what happens before we even see a paycheck.

From that $225,000 income, a large portion is already gone to taxes and pre tax deductions like health insurance and other essentials. These aren’t upgrades. They’re basic responsibilities.

At the same time, because of our income level, we don’t qualify for government assistance that might help offset these costs. So while a big chunk is taken off the top, the financial pressure doesn’t go away. It just falls entirely on us.

What’s left is what we have to stretch across a very high cost of living.

Not Looking for Luxury, Just Stability

This isn’t about wanting more.

It’s about wanting the basics to feel manageable.

To pay tuition without constant stress.

To shop for groceries without calculating every item.

To go into Yom Tov with simcha, not financial pressure in the background.

We’re not living a luxurious life. We’re just trying to meet basic requirements, and even that feels like an uphill battle.

The Quiet Reality No One Talks About

There’s something else that needs to be said, and it’s not easy.

Families in this position are often too embarrassed to ask for help. On paper, it looks like we’re doing fine. It looks like we make enough. It looks like we shouldn’t be struggling.

But behind closed doors, many of us are barely making it.

We’re juggling bills.
We’re pushing things off.
We’re constantly trying to stay afloat.

There’s a level of stress that doesn’t show from the outside. And there are very few, if any, organizations designed to help families in this in between space.

So we stay quiet.

But if you were to sit down with these families and ask honestly if help would make a difference, most would say yes without hesitation.

They just won’t be the ones to ask.

A Painful Reality

No family should have to go into Yom Tov, especially Pesach, wondering:

Do we prepare properly for Yom Tov, or do we make sure rent gets paid?
Do we buy what we need, or do we push off another bill?

This isn’t about extras.

This is about the basics.

And it’s a reality in more homes than people realize.

A Call for Awareness

This isn’t written with anger. It’s written sincerely.

There needs to be more awareness that the cost of basic frum living has reached a point where even solid, hard working families are feeling the strain.

That income on paper doesn’t reflect reality.

That there’s a large group of families quietly carrying this burden, responsibly and respectfully, but struggling nonetheless.

Final Thought

We are proud to live this life, deeply proud.

But it shouldn’t feel this hard just to sustain the basics.

Maybe the first step is simply acknowledging that this is real, that it’s happening, and that it deserves to be seen.

Because no one should have to choose between living a proper Yom Tov and meeting their most basic financial obligations.

Anonymous

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