We can’t redo a whole school program around your daughter’s anxiety

Mrs. Fein: We can’t reshape an entire school program around your daughter’s anxiety triggers.

Tova: My daughter’s emotional needs are deeply real – and should be accommodated.

Mrs. Fein

The day we updated the school’s Shine Together Middos Project bulletin board with confetti and celebratory emojis, it felt like the entire building was shaking from the cheering.

I could hear it from inside my office with the door closed and the outer office creating a buffer zone in front.

I stepped out and smiled at Shira, the secretary. “So, did you hear the news?” I asked. “Our girls met their target and got enough points to win a major trip.”

“How could I miss it?” she laughed.

A few teachers stepped in, talking animatedly.

“Oh, Mrs. Fein. They are so excited! What’s the prize going to be?” asked Miss Jacobs, who taught seventh and eighth grade Yahadus.

“We’ll do a special assembly tomorrow to announce it,” I said.

Mrs. Schachner leaned in, conspiratorial. “I need to know. Did they actually get enough points, or did we tip the scales at all? It’s literally the last day.”

“No tipping the scales at all,” I said, smiling. “The girls won this fair and square. And they’re going to be really excited when they hear what’s been arranged. Mrs. Kraus and her team have been working really hard to make it a trip to remember.”

T

he perks of my position — middle school principal — meant that although I had nothing to do with actually planning the trip, I got to be the one to announce it (or rather, introduce the eighth grade G.O. heads who performed some complicated breakout in dazzling blue costumes and finally unfurled a banner reading, WAVE WORLD WATER PARK, HERE WE COME!)

I watched from the side as the auditorium erupted in cheers. I knew Mrs. Kraus, our extracurricular director, had jumped through hoops to work this out, but the girls deserved something special. And joining a midwinter women-and-girls-only trip to a water park was definitely special.

The Shining Together Middos Program was something we’d rolled out this year. I’d spent hours in meetings with the mechanchos and extracurricular team, figuring out what we’d work on each month, how to give it over in a meaningful way, and how to motivate the girls to engage with the program and track results. In the end, it was a combination of special assemblies each month; class-wide projects and workshops; and an incredibly complex scorecard system through which each girl, and then each class overall, kept track of their points, tallying a total every week for the school scoreboard.

We’d set a collective goal of 20,000 points, with various ways to collect and receive them, and as the number on the bulletin board grew and grew, the excitement had grown, too. This past week, up until the deadline, when the number was hovering at 19,000 and change, that excitement reached a fever pitch — girls scrambling to fill out scorecards, gain bonus points, and submit their cards while they still could — and we’d surpassed our goal.

Now, looking around the sea of excited faces, I knew the program had been worth it. There was a new awareness of the middos we’d tried to promote: kindness, respect, inclusivity, thoughtfulness, noticing others. The achdus in the school was strong, and what better way to celebrate that than with a school trip?

Later that day, I spotted Mrs. Kraus in the office, reviewing consent forms that would be sent out to parents before the trip.

“They’re on a high. Thank you so much for your efforts in arranging this,” I told her.

“I won’t say it was simple,” she answered wryly. “But I will say it was worth it. The momentum had built up so much; we couldn’t give a prize like a trip to a nature reserve.”

“Agreed. They put so much into this program,” I said.

The post Sink or Swim  first appeared on Mishpacha Magazine.