As the woman of the house, you can declutter. There’s a solution if your husband or your children are not on board.

I know we’re talking about Pesach cleaning a bit early, but honestly, now is the perfect time to start decluttering. These quieter months are the perfect time to get your home in order!

Around this time of year, I always get the same question:

“But Ellie… my husband isn’t interested in decluttering.”

Okay. Great.
Because this actually has nothing to do with your husband. Or anyone else in the house whose stuff might be getting in your way. 

The Biggest Rule of Frum Minimalism

This is the biggest rule of Frum Minimalism.
The biggest!

We may never, ever declutter other people’s things.

When I give workshops and classes, I literally make everyone say this out loud together, so I know they heard it and internalized it:

We may never, ever declutter other people’s things.

Say it out loud!

Not your husband’s.
Not your kids’.
Not anyone’s.

So What DoWe Do If Our Husbands Aren’t Interested?

Here’s the process. It’s simple, and it works.

Step one:
We deal with our own things first.
As the women of the house, we start with ourselves.

Step two:
Then we move to shared spaces:
– the living room
– the dining room
– the kitchen
– shared bathrooms

In these spaces, we’re allowed to declutter and organize, because they belong to everyone.

And we make it very clear to the family that shared spaces have rules, and those rules need to be respected.

Creating a Clearly Defined Space for Your Husband

Next step:
We create a clearly defined space, within reason, for your husband’s things.

If he cooks, give him one or two cabinets in the kitchen where all his tools and interesting gadgets live. (Same applies for teenagers.)

If he likes to lounge in the living room and has books, slippers, or random things he uses, create a basket for him.

Label it clearly:
“Husband’s Things.”

This way, his things have a home,  and they’re not floating all over the room.

What About the Bedroom?

Same rule applies.

When you’re organizing your bedroom, do not touch his side of the closet.
Not even a little.

If his things are floating around the bedroom, you do the same thing:

You create a clearly labeled bin or box:
“Husband’s Things.”

Any time his things are left out, you place them there.

You do not:
– touch his closet
– get rid of his shoes
– decide what he needs or doesn’t need

Ever.

Why This Works

The most important thing here is respect.

Your family, and especially your husband, has to understand that:
– you respect their possessions
– you will never declutter their things
– shared spaces still need to function

Trust me. I’ve been doing this long enough to say this confidently:

Every husband eventually joins in.

Not because they were pushed.
Not because they were forced.

But because they see the benefits:
– for you
– for the home
– for the family as a whole

Happy Decluttering!