People tell me that sometimes my articles lean toward the negative, so today, at least, I am going to start with the positive.

During the recent more than two weeks of snow and cold weather, I noticed something that brought me such joy. I saw some parents playing with their kids during the snow days. They were out there sledding, shlepping their gleeful kids on sleds, shoveling together, building snowmen and igloos together. It was so nice to watch. Despite the bitter cold, they bundled up and went out. Wow! What a heartwarming sight! To see the bliss of those kids in the white, fluffy snow was delightful.

Watching them aroused memories of my own snowman-building and sledding days as a child, when we reveled in the powdery white stuff.

The sight of these parents with their kids filled me with joy, and I said to myself, “Tavo aleihem brocha! May Hashem bentch them! These parents are amazing! They are creating wonderful memories for their children. They are ‘there’ with them, creating such a feeling of warmth, stability, and happiness. What amazing parenting!”

Then and Now

That said, as someone who has been living in Lakewood for more than three decades, I must say that it is different than in the past. After this snow, I did see some families — mothers and even fathers — playing with their kids in the snow, but nothing compared to the way things were after big snowstorms in the past.

I remember in Lakewood, just a couple of decades ago, when there was a big snowfall, and certainly when there was a snow day, and mothers and fathers would take their kids out on sleds. There was a festive type of atmosphere outside on snow days. People were home. They spent time together. Totties would come home during bein hasedarim and go out with their kids to shovel, to build things, to sled, and so on. There was a geshmak in the air, a chaotic feeling of relaxation. Craziness because of snow and relaxation are not necessarily contradictory.

This year, I saw much less of that.

I was wondering why. Do we have less time and less menucha now than we once had?

No. I don’t think so. On the contrary, I think we have much more time, no?

At the Click of a Mouse…

In those days, not so long ago, when we needed to do banking, we had to actually go to a brick-and-mortar bank. Now, you don’t have to go anywhere. You can do your banking wherever you are — at home, in the car, wherever. So shouldn’t we have more menucha to go out and play with the kids in the snow or go on a family trip?

Maybe it is because we are so busy grocery shopping.

I remember back then, when, after seder, it was time to go shopping. If you forgot your list at home, you had to go home, get the list, or wait for your wife to come home to give you a list before you could go shopping.

Then you finally made it to the store. On the list, you read something about “baking…,” but you couldn’t read the hastily scrawled word and figure out if it said “baking powder” or perhaps “baking soda.” When you came home, you found out that you had bought the wrong one, precipitating another trip back to the grocery. Oh well. More time spent shopping.

Finally, things got easier. Why? Because cell phones came into the picture. Now, both husband and wife have cell phones. Once they both have cell phones, you could actually ask a question while in the store.

Today, it is even easier. You don’t even have to walk into the store. Who has to shop? You can have things delivered from local groceries or from massive chain stores. All it takes is a couple of clicks, and within hours you have any product you want from any store you want, delivered to your door.

You don’t even have to interact with the delivery person. You can tip them on the computer, and this way they just leave it at your door. You get a message the second it is delivered, so you know to go outside and bring it in.

It is amazing how much more time and menucha that gives us, no? Why, then, can’t we find the time to play in the snow with the kiddies?

From Labor-Intensive to…

Maybe the reason we are so busy is because it takes time to get around. After all, not everyone has a car. And even if you do have a car, sometimes you have to bring it to the mechanic for an oil change, new tires, and brakes. Oops! I forgot. Today you don’t even have to go to a mechanic.

First of all, most of us have at least two cars per family. Of those cars, a large percentage are leased. (The deals were priced so low. How could you not lease?) Those new cars don’t usually need the mechanic. Secondly, even if on occasion you do need the mechanic, all you have to do is call a guy over to your house, and he can do the oil change for you in your driveway. He can also fix your brakes or change your tires in your driveway, while you are sitting in your recliner.

Similarly, when it is time to get a new car, you again don’t have to leave your house. The leasing guy will take care of the paperwork via email. All you have to do is sign it and email it back to him, and he delivers the new car to your house, takes the old one, and even fixes the little dents for you.

Something that took countless hours and days in the past now takes almost no time at all.

So why don’t we have any extra time?

Where Did All Those Hours Go?

Now let’s talk about how things have changed in the kitchen. In the past, mothers were really busy cooking. Things took long. You had to warm things up on the stovetop or in the oven and watch them carefully. Today? Things are so much quicker. From hand-shredding potatoes for potato kugel, we were gifted with the food processor. Then came the microwave, which quickly morphed from one to two. And what about the “Betty”? Who can forget how much easier the “Betty” has made our lives? Mamish a miracle appliance. In a few minutes, you can do almost anything, and it doesn’t even taste like rubber.

And what about when you were in desperate need of a coffee or hot drink? People actually filled up something called a kettle, put it on the stovetop, and waited a good few minutes for the kettle to whistle. Then you returned to the kitchen, turned off the stove, and immediately made the coffee before the water cooled off.

So we really should have so much more time to play in the snow with the kids, no?

When Lakewood was much smaller, there was much more action on snow days. It was really fun to see families running around in the snow, fathers and mothers shlepping kids on makeshift sleds or building snowmen and igloos.

Not only that, but when it wasn’t snowing and the weather was nice, you saw that the parks were full, especially on Sundays. I am not only talking about the frum community. Even, lehavdil, everyone else was at the parks on Sunday and in the evenings. In more recent times, if one happens to go to a state or county park, most of those using the facilities are immigrants from countries such as India or Pakistan. So this isn’t only a “frum family” issue either.

Now the question, my dear friends, is: Why?

Didn’t we just describe many of the ways that life was busier just a decade or two ago? Weren’t there so many things occupying our time, whether it was banking in brick-and-mortar banks, repeat shopping excursions in brick-and-mortar stores, physically going to buy and/or service a car, or spending more time in the kitchen?

So many things were much more labor-intensive. After all, even paying a bill or composing a letter took time. You had to think about what to write and then write it. Today you can just feed a bit of haphazard information into a machine or a voice note, and voila! The most beautiful, professional letters just about write themselves.

If we have so much extra time on our hands that we didn’t have in the past, why aren’t the parks packed? Why aren’t the streets full of gleeful kids playing with their parents on snow days? And why do we seem so busy and so harried?

Just wondering.