I bumped into a Yid over Shabbos who, although I didn’t know him, claimed to know me. How did he know me? From reading the Yated. He told me something that he does at home that got me thinking. Before I share what he told me, let me say this.

We live in a media-saturated world, a world of marketing and marketers, all vying to make headlines and “news.” The focus is inevitably on superficiality. There is no front-page headline about the hundreds of Yidden who got up this morning to learn at 6 a.m. before they davened and headed off to work. There is not usually a headline about the mesivta bochur who worked for two weeks on a chaburah, delivered an amazingly beautiful chaburah, and was mechadeish an approach to understanding a Rashba on Bava Kama.

Instead, we see bright lights and bells and whistles about a concert, a fundraiser for an important tzedakah organization, pictures of extravagant simchos, someone driving an expensive car, or a guy who proposed to his kallah in a horse-drawn carriage…

Now, most mature people are aware of what hype is and that media outlets are often paid to feature stories about certain organizations, and that, at times, the media’s fixation with entertainers or events that display fabulous wealth is just part of the media culture. They don’t really change the way we think, at least not too much.

Still, when it comes to young people — our children, teens, and even younger adults — it is a mistake to think that they are able to just turn the page and say, “Yup, the velt is crazy…”

This is the world in which they are growing up. If we don’t consistently — and, if I may dare say, aggressively — promote what we stand for, they will not know it on their own. They will think that chashivus is what the media promotes and what people are talking about.

One Limud, One Corresponding Gift for the Family

Now I can share the story that happened with this Yid. He told me that one of his daily limudim is the Dirshu halacha program. He learns it every day, and once a month he takes tests on what he learned.

He said, “I want to involve my family in what I am learning as well. I feel that it is important that they know that I am learning and what I am learning. So, every time we finish a new area of halacha, I buy something new related to that halacha and bring it home. For example, when we learned hilchos netillas yodayim,” he said, “I bought everyone new negel vasser cups and basins to put near their beds so that they could wash in the morning. When we learned the halachos of lighting Shabbos lecht, I bought something new — a silver lighter for my wife to use for hadlokas neiros. When we finished hilchos brachos for peiros, I brought home a beautiful fruit platter with all kinds of fruit, and we showed which brachos come first.

“If I don’t show my wife and children how important my learning is to me,” he concluded, “they will never know. Just because I think it is important doesn’t mean they know.”

Increase in Learning, But Do Our Wives and Children See It?

Another thing. Boruch Hashem, we live in a time when Torah has increased exponentially in Klal Yisroel. Yeshivos are bursting. There are nearly ten thousand yungeleit learning in kollel just in Lakewood. It is wonderful.

Aside from that, there have never been so many Yidden learning. Yidden who are occupied in parnossah are learning more than they ever learned. It is not uncommon for working people to have large parts of their day blocked out for limud haTorah. Some learn early in the morning before davening, others learn at night, and some learn both in the morning and at night. It is not uncommon for people engaged in parnossah to maintain first or second seder in a yeshiva or bais medrash.

Now, this is all wonderful. Yet, many times, the wife and children don’t see it. If a person does all his learning outside the house, his family may not realize the importance of what he is doing. That is why everyone should try to learn at home as well. One’s wife and children should be able to hear the kol Torah in the house. The world today is very visual. One’s wife and children have to see you learning as well. It is not enough that they know that you go out to learn.

“Make Your Siyum at Home”

I was at the Dirshu convention this past week, and one of the gedolim there described how a yungerman recently came over and asked him what he should do. There are times when he stays late to learn because he must finish his daily learning and chazarah, but his wife doesn’t understand the importance of what he is doing.

The rov said, “I asked him, ‘Tell me, when you finish a masechta, where do you make your siyum?’ He replied, ‘In shul, where I learn.’

“From now on,” the rov told him, “I want you to make every siyum at home. It should be a festive event. Find out what foods your wife and kids like the most. If it is Chinese, buy Chinese. If it is steak, buy steak. Every time you make a siyum, it should be a Yom Tov. You will see how much your family will become part of your learning when you do such a thing.”

Perhaps, once upon a time, a case could be made for an oveid Hashem not to talk about his own accomplishments with anyone and to downplay his own avodas Hashem. After all, he wanted to be humble, not chalilah arrogant, right?

In today’s environment, downplaying one’s spiritual accomplishments in one’s own home is wrong. A person must show his family what is important to him. They should see it. They should taste it. They should see how you live it. If you want to turn them on, you have to show them what turns you on.

The same is true when it comes to giving tzedakah. Many of us have a natural feeling to downplay our tzedakah giving. Why do I have to publicize what I give? Yes, when it comes to the wider world, it may not be advisable to show off how much you give to tzedakah, but when it comes to your children? For your children, it is a mitzvah to tell them what you are giving and what kind of chesed you are engaged in. If they don’t see it, how will they know how to emulate it?