In today’s yeshivish culture, young men need permission to live. Meet Yanky. Yanky always followed the rules. He respects his parents, his rebbeim, and his mesorah. He took his learning seriously through high school and beis medrash. Yanky is a “good guy.” Now, at age 23, he finds himself unmotivated to learn, to daven, to follow the path that was laid out for him. He doesn’t know what’s wrong. Ignoring the inner tension building inside of him, he pushes past his feelings and keeps learning. Soon after, Yanky finds himself in despair. He can’t keep it up. Learning has become a chore. He doesn’t feel connected like he used to. “Is it me? Is it the system? Is it the learning itself?” he asks. His subconscious has begun to plague him; he feels paralyzed. Getting a job isn’t really an option. It’s not a financial calculation — it’s a social death sentence. What would my parents think? My rebbeim? My friends? Who would even marry a working guy?

This is the experience of too many good-hearted, well-intentioned young men in our community. Personal development has been arrested by new and rigid standards that could only have been positively applied to an exceptional population of young men. Before the Holocaust, yeshiva learning in Europe was reserved for the elite lomdonim. Volozhin — the mother of all yeshivos, the most prestigious Torah institution in the world — had approximately 400 talmidim at its peak. Today, Lakewood alone has over 7,000. The discrepancy is easily explained: unprecedented economic support has made full-time learning accessible to the masses in a way that was simply impossible in Europe. But accessible and working are two very different things. It is not my intention to downplay the importance of learning. I strongly believe that learning is the core of a fulfilling Jewish life, and more broadly, the survival of our nation. For those who are learning full-time with passion, ashreichem — we need you. Nonetheless, the expectation that every young man must learn full-time has had devastating implications.

It is simply reality that everyone is different. Hashem created everyone with different abilities, talents, and levels of aptitude. Everyone is charged with living a life of service to Hashem — with one caveat: that service must be done with joy, not out of fear, shame, or resentment. It would be easy for me to tell you (and I am!), “you hereby have permission to pursue a career, to build something, to cultivate your interests” — but what good is permission from one voice when your entire world is shouting the opposite? The only solution I can offer is courage. Courage that Hashem understands you, loves you, and wants you to maximize your potential. Courage to do what you must and trust that you will find acceptance. Nothing stands in the way of someone who earnestly tries to do what is right for them. The marriage will come; there is an abundance of girls who just want a genuine guy. Your loved ones will come around. Your learning — now no longer a performed tradition, but a living one — will likely improve. You will have a true sense of identity.

Making this adjustment, even in theory, can feel identity-shattering. It is a profoundly painful experience. The reality, however, is that this experience cannot be avoided — it can only be postponed. There will come a day when living someone else’s life becomes too burdensome. The longer that realization is delayed, the harder its effects will be. It doesn’t have to be this way. You can live a life of meaning today. It’s your obligation.

Full disclosure: I recently helped bring a book to the community called “The Million Dollar Part Time Job.” I took it on because I believe in what it’s saying. It’s a practical guide, written by someone who understands this world, for the Yankys who are ready to take the first step. If anything in this essay resonated with you, it’s worth your time.

All the best,

Zev Levin

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