Dear Mothers-in-Law,

First, we want to say something important: We truly love having you for Yom Tov.

Your presence brings warmth to the house, excitement for the children, family stories, traditions, and that special feeling that makes Yom Tov feel like Yom Tov. There is something beautiful about having another generation around the table and creating memories together.

We also know that you come because you want to help, spend time with your children and grandchildren, and simply be part of the family experience. We appreciate that more than you know.

With that said, we would like to gently offer one small request on behalf of daughters-in-law everywhere.

After the meal, if possible, please consider going to your room for a few hours to rest, relax, read, nap, or simply enjoy some quiet time — even if you don’t actually need the rest.

It may not seem like a major thing, but those afternoon hours can be incredibly helpful. They give us a chance to clean up the kitchen, reset the house, organize the next meal, and handle the million little things happening behind the scenes.

There is something much easier about moving around freely and getting things done without feeling like someone is watching us work, or feeling like we need to remain socially “on” while simultaneously trying to manage the house.

And if we are being fully honest, those few hours can also give everyone a little breathing room. Not because we do not love you, but because even people who love each other very much sometimes benefit from a little space during a long Yom Tov together.

Ironically, when everyone gets that break, the next seudah is usually even nicer. We return refreshed, calmer, happier, and more able to genuinely enjoy being together.

So please know: Disappearing for a little while in the afternoon is not abandoning the family. It may actually be one of the greatest acts of kindness you can give the family.

With love and appreciation,

The Daughters-in-Law

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