Since I attended the deeply inspiring Keren Olam HaTorah event in Lakewood on Thursday, I have been thinking a lot, and my thoughts are telling me that I really need to improve. I am not happy with myself.

Let me explain.

I came back from the event amazed. Amazed by Klal Yisroel, amazed by all my neighbors in the wonderful community of Lakewood, where I have been privileged to live for more than thirty-five years.

It was hot. Boiling hot. Closer to 100 degrees than 95. Yet, many tens of thousands of men, women, and children stood outside for close to two hours in that scorching heat, sweating away, just to be able to see and hear from senior gedolei Yisroel. Just to be part of a rabbim, a large gathering declaring that they want nothing more than to see gedolei Yisroel, hear divrei Torah from the einei ha’eidah, and be inspired by matters of the spirit.

Looking around, I saw fathers standing with their sweaty toddlers, placing children on their shoulders and pointing to Rav Dov Landau, Rav Don Segal, Rav Avrohom Salim, and the other gedolim. It was clear that they wanted nothing more than for their sons’ eyes to catch a glimpse of that light, the light of Torah and yirah from previous generations.

It was so deeply inspiring to look at my fellow Lakewood Yidden, residents of this burgeoning city, and see what really defines them.

There were older people with white beards, younger yungeleit, throngs of bochurim, and thousands of children. And then I noticed something fascinating. While we were waiting for the gedolim to arrive, I saw so many yungeleit with small seforim in hand, learning in the blistering heat.

When I walked away from the event with my son, who doesn’t like excessive heat very much, I asked him if he was happy that we had come. His expression said it all. He didn’t even understand the question. And truthfully, what is the question?

And that is why I am not happy with myself.

The Cause of Annoyance

Despite knowing how amazing and inspiring the gathering was, despite realizing that I have the privilege of living in a town together with so many other Yidden for whom Torah living and Torah learning are paramount, part of me was really upset and bothered at the same time.

I couldn’t help but notice so many young peoplekids and teens between the ages of eleven and eighteenrunning around, pushing, shoving, making noise, and seeming almost unaware that we were in the middle of a historic occasion.

The einei ha’eidah were right there in front of us, and they were tearing through the crowd, pushing, shoving, shmoozing, making a matzav, not caring who they were bumping into, not caring whose view they were blocking, and having a good time doing it. And it really bothered me.

I began to wonder: Who are their parents? Did their fathers and mothers not teach them anything about basic mentchlichkeitabout how to live among others? Did their rabbeim in yeshiva never speak about middos, about bein adam lachaveiro? Is the shmuess only about Torah or is it also about basic mentchlichkeit? We are not talking about refined points of bein adam lachaveiro found in some mussar seforim. We are talking about conduct that even a gentile living in Iowa, Montana, or Wyoming would never engage in publicly.

Lessons in Basics

I did not learn in the Philadelphia Yeshiva, but my in-laws lived in Philadelphia for a time, and I had many opportunities to hear Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky address the bochurim, both in public settings and in more private ones. He almost always spoke about middos and mentchlichkeit. Basics. Things that perhaps today’s bochurim would view as “nerdy,” or whatever adjective is used today. He would talk about the importance of saying good morning with a smile, something that he himself embodied. He would encourage the bochurim to fill up the washing cup after they had washed for hamotzi or come out of the bathroom, explaining, “In this way, you are doing a chesed for someone else, not just filling the cup for yourself.” He would talk about how one shouldn’t use a hot cup for a cold drink because hot cups cost more and the yeshiva’s money is mamon hekdesh.

Basic things that might be considered trivial in the “sophisticated” world of today.

Are today’s parents and rabbeim no longer teaching these basics?

The “Negativity Thermometer”

Getting back to my original point, I was simultaneously upset with myself. Why does my focus automatically go to the negative? Why was I more upset by the conduct of those young people who were not doing the right thing than energized by the tens of thousands who were making a kiddush Hashem by their very presence?

Yes, I was deeply inspired and even emotional when the entire assemblage of so many thousands said Tehillim with great feeling, led by Rav Shimon Galei.

Still, what animated me even more were my feelings of annoyance rather than my feelings of good fortune.

Why?

The Need to View the World Through “Hashem’s Eyes”

My reaction bothered me so much that I went to speak to a Yid who is older and wiser than I am, and he told me something profound that I would like to share with you.

He said, “Your problem is that you are looking at things through the lens of your own eyes and not through the lens of, kevayachol, Hashem’s eyes. A Yid must train himself to look at the world through Hashem’s eyes. He must try to see things the way Hashem sees them.”

He explained, “Hashem always looks with rachamim. Even when He feels compelled to mete out punishment, that, too, is only because He has rachmonus and knows that the Yid needs the punishment for his own good. It is never, however, with real anger. Similarly, we must train ourselves to look at things that our fellow Yidden do with rachamim.”

He said that Rabbeinu Bachya, in last week’s parsha, gives an amazing illustration of this concept. One of the greatest sins that the Bnei Yisroel committed was the sin of the meraglim. It is a sin for which we are still paying until today. The Torah tells us that Hashem informed the Yidden that part of the punishment for the sin of the meraglim was that the Bnei Yisroel would have to wander in the midbar for forty years before entering Eretz Yisroel.

Why Hashem Gave the Meraglim Kefitzas Haderech

Chazal teach us that Hashem gave the meraglim kefitzas haderech. He made it possible for them to travel across the entire Eretz Yisroel in only forty days, even though according to the rules of nature it should have taken much longer.

Hashem did this, Chazal say, so that when He would punish them and decree that they must spend one year in the midbar corresponding to each day that they spied on Eretz Yisroel, it would only be forty years and not more.

Rabbeinu Bachya points out that even while the Bnei Yisroel were rebelling against Hashem in the worst way, even while they were sinning against Him, Hashem, like a merciful and benevolent father who loves his child so much, was having rachmanus on them as they, so to speak, “hit” Him.

Hashem was thinking, “I can’t give them too great a punishment. Yes, they need a punishment for their own good, but still, I love them so much that I will do it with rachmanus.”

We see how even in situations of middas hadin, Hashem acts with rachamim. He looks at the Bnei Yisroel not as bad children who are terrible, but as His beloved children. Yes, at times, He has no choice but to punish, and yet, even within the punishment, it is done with pure rachmanus.

Not Judging Their Behavior, But Wondering How to Help

My mentor told me that there was nothing wrong with noticing that those young boys and bochurim really need to improve in their middos, but only with an eye toward rachmanus, only if we are thinking, “How can we help them? How can we help and encourage their parents and rabbeim to realize that they must do more and focus more on teaching these things to them? How can we create more awareness and empower parents not to be afraid of how their children will react? How can we encourage parents to assert their parental authority while still showing love and ha’aras ponim to their children?”

Yes, notice the good. Be energized by the good. Get chizuk from those amazing Yidden, the klal. And when it comes to the prat, try to look at them benevolently while at the same time doing hishtadlus to encourage more care in these matters.

Hashem is full of rachmanus and wants only good for His people, even those engaged in less-than-sterling conduct. After all, He even had rachmanus on the meraglim.

Shouldn’t we? Shouldn’t we emulate Him? Shouldn’t we, while never shying away from appropriately pointing out things that could be improved, simultaneously look at the good, look for the good, and always look at Yidden with rachamim?

Because that is what Hashem does.